Fitted sheets and other things

I can fold laundry really, really well. If it were an olympic event, I would definitely medal. But the fitted sheet has baffled me since my first encounter. For the entire portion of my adult life, I have solved for this dilemma simply by owning only one fitted sheet at a time. That way, as soon as this one sheet was washed, dried and fluffed, it made it’s way back safely to the bed, still warm.

My perfect scenario quickly became the perfect storm a few months ago when my in-laws purchased a new bed. Suddenly, their luxuriously high cotton count sheets-sets no longer fit on their brand new, high-tech adjustable, sleep number, side-by-side king. Beautiful, nearly new, solid colors of satiny, silky splendor were waiting in the wings to replace our one, sad gray fitted sheet. They did feel so nice.

It was exciting and frightening all at once. I thought maybe, just maybe that I was going to be able to manage the necessary ‘sheet-Origami’ that must take place in order to arrange this giant king size beauty into the small rectangular shape that would fit in a drawer-because now, I’m a mom. I have a 6 ½ year old and a nearly 4-year-old.

I have realized other superhero like talents with this title. Like knowing when my girls have a fever with the touch of my hand on their forehead. I can bring tears and screams to halting silence with the kiss of a boo-boo (and a Barbie band-aid chaser). I can find the missing item in the refrigerator, every time. And yes, I can even change the roll of toilet paper when its empty, while seated on said toilet and on my cell (mute). Surely my mommy-hood brilliance will shine in the sheet department too.

Nope. And the other mommy, my loving partner, can’t do it either. Thanks Martha Stewart from 2011.

Video credit: YouTube via Martha Stewart

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