On Saturday, the time had come for me and the Mrs. to turn in her car because the lease was up. I was concerned because the car was, let’s say, very lived in, with a lot of memorable experiences . It was totally ‘kid-ified.’ To her amazing credit, the Mrs. did a bang-up clean up in the nick of time, and it showed rather well.
On our drive over, der kinder (the kids) in tow, my agita (anxiety, in Italian I think?) was palpable and we were all desperately in need of a good laugh. It had been a rough week for multiple reasons, least of all our need for frugality.
I put my hand on the Mrs. shoulder while she was driving and said, “Honey, when we get to VW place, the ground is the limit!”
The Mrs., she started with a small chuckle, and landed into a nice, hearty gaffaw! We all started laughing, and so began our new journey with the greatest sound my ears can ever hear.
The Mrs. mentioned that our flat here at the Manor has become somewhat of a convalescence home. I added that we don’t seem to be restorative or showing any signs of improvement since last November when the first ‘–itis’ hit our mishpocheh (family). Our little petri dishes, Little and Big, share their cooties a bit too freely.
Keep the tune of a Hard Day’s Night in your head as you read this little ditty…
It’s been a hard long night, and we’ve been feelin’ just like dreck (crap, ca-ca)
Our skin has turned a dulling white we really are a pain in the neck
And when we get out of bed we feel the pain in our heads
Won’t let us see daylight
You know we work every day to eat real healthy and exercise
But no matter what we do or say
The microbes make us just wanna cry
Despite the Lysol clean wipes we can’t unclog our nose pipes
The bugs just won’t go away
When we sneeze, germs discharge all around us
When we cough, its like we were hit by a bus, bus yeah
It’s been a hard long day, how long can we endure this lack of zest
And the feeling of proverbial brech (to vomit) can leave us emotionally so depressed
The tsuris (heartache) is too much to take, what’s the point of awake
When we feel so feh (physically and emotionally disgusted)!
It’s been a long four months hosting germs ‘n feelin’ so unkempt
And it’s worth it just to hear you say
You must be overwhelmed and so farhklempt (emotionally choked-up)
So let’s get out of that bed and get our clothes on instead
It’s gonna be okay
When we sneeze, germs discharge all around us
When we cough, its like we were hit by a bus, bus yeah
May our homes soon be rid of these invisible nogudniks (bad guys, in this instance, germs) that lurk in our air. May our kinder (children) really use soap and sing the A,B,C’s twice as they wash their hands. Let the schmutz (dirt and grime, in this case, mucus) stop dripping from our many orifices. Gutinue (at last, with exasperation), enough already!
Finally, after much ado and a very long wait since Santa left them for us, the Mrs. and I took Little, Big and their Toffey (Grandpa—self proclaimed name that means The Old Fart) to see Beauty and the Beast. The traveling cast came to our fair city and we soaked in the culture like a plant thirsting for water.
First, as we waited outside for the doors to open, we grew beholden to the splendor that is The Academy of Music, located on the Avenue of the Arts in downtown Philly. Big, maven (expert) that she is, had been going on and on to Little about theatre, the stage and live performances. Just over 5 years ago, we took Big to see Mary Poppins at the very same place. She was plotzing (exploding with excitement)! We stood outside and took in all of the buildings’ magnificence, while purchasing soft pretzels the size of yardsticks. Theatre watching can bring out the ‘hangry’ in the best of us, and when in Philly, nosh (eat) like a Philadelphian.
We had tickets in hand and made our way up to the (nosebleed) seats, aptly called, Family Circle. We were sitting among young dapper dressed dudes and the many ‘Belles’ of this ball. Despite our ears popping and slight signs of altitude sickness, our seats were awesome. The kinder (kids) didn’t know what to look at first…the columns, the people, the orchestra pit, the curtains, the lights…sponges, they are! Once the play began, many kinder (children) kept twisting their necks to see the main spotlight and it’s keeper, located right behind us.
The noshing (eating) took place immediately, which led to the insatiable thirst, which permeated throughout the performance. Toffey, always a mensch (warm, good soul), made the journey to the water fountain, many times.
The orchestra started tuning up. Big asked if they were practicing, and if they knew we could hear them. Soon, the magic of Broadway began. The most adorable thing from Little was this exchange:
Little: Mommy, are they for real, like for real live people singing for real live songs?
Me: Of course they are sweetie, isn’t it amazing?
Little: No Mommy, I mean, like really. Are they alive, like us? Do they have for real families?
Me: Yes honey. They are alive like you and me. And they have families and people who love them.
Little: Wow. I can’t believe they are for real life! This is so cool.
The show was fantastic fun. As you probably know, the Beast, he’s not such a bad guy. After a serious bout with vanity, and endless time as a nasty nebekh (poor soul) he becomes a haimish’a (warm and loving guy) schlemiel (dolt, oaf) to our Belle. Belle, kaynahorah (without an evil eye), saw the wonderful goodness and worth in this threatening-looking brute, and they become friends, and then later, friends with benefits. Everyone in the castle becomes human again and the evil spell cast his way was broken.
When they sang, “Be our Guest,” we roared! When they sang “Beauty and the Beast,” we ‘awwwwwwwed.” The girls were dehydrated and hangry despite the pretzel-ators and the water fountain visits. They twisted and fidgeted all over the Mrs., very unusual behavior for my little madelahs (girls). Toffey loved watching the girls enjoy this experience, almost as much as he enjoyed the show. Me too
Later that night, after a nice, early dinner, we dropped Toffey off at his house and starting talking about the play on the drive home. We kibitzed (gossiped) about our favorite scenes from the play and what we learned. We talked about being good people on the planet, treating people with respect and dignity and knowing that beauty is so much more than skin deep. No one had to start a social media campaign stating that #BeastsMatter?
We landed just where most of my posts on this blog end up: #HumanityMatters.
Quiet please! Therapist is in session (with a loon!)
Privacy is driving me meshugener (crazy). Who has any? As a mom, or a parent/caregiver, when was the last time you went to the bathroom by yourself? Showered without interruption? Little and Big are always asserting and inserting their presence, no matter what seems to be happening. Last week, the Mrs. And I snuck away in the middle of the Parent Trap just to have a conversation. Nothing secret, sacred, or even sordid! We thought for sure that Lindsay Lohan as a kinder (child) would hold their stare. We were in the bathroom with the door shut, kibitzing (talking). Don’t you know, that not five minutes into our conversation, we hear a geshrei (scream) from Little, “WHERE ARE YOU?” Mittendrinnen (in the middle of) the scene where the parents see each other after all those years, they are banging on the door. Mind you, I’m still kvelling (overjoyed with pride) over how sweet they were, their genuine concern of the Mrs. and me, but c’mon!
After reading the news, I realize we have no privacy anywhere. There are cameras everywhere! One can receive a speeding ticket by mail with a picture of your offending car! There are satellite and surveillance cameras capturing our every move. Is my computer watching me type right now? Probably. What about the cloud? How many snoopers and cyber-yentas (gossips) are sifting through all of that stuff?
Do you read the terms and conditions every time you get a new app or open an online account? Not me! I read bubkas (nothing) and blindly click ‘accept!’ They are all in 8-point font and go on and on, using legalese, forever. They are designed to be unreadable. A shonda (shameful)!
Somehow Facebook knows when I by something on Amazon. This changes my algorithms (is this what they meant in elementary school when they said we’ll use math our whole life?) that create my timeline feeds, and suddenly I see other things similar to or accessories for what I just bought. Is this kosher (legit)? Google knows more about me than my parents (well, that’s for another posting, I promise).
Which brings me to Tim Cook and the pressure cooker he seems to be schvitzing (sweating) in. Stand your ground Tim! Don’t give up the goods to the Bureau! You have gotta know that I’m all for stopping really bad, bad guys and terrorists. But this very big ask by the Elliot Ness’s of the world is one slippery slope for our freedom and liberty.
How many big corporations and retail locations have already been hacked? How can we feel safe knowing there can might be one piece of magical code out there in the ether that can unlock our iPhones and let everyone know how many friends we have to play Words with Friends with? This code can simply and easily undermine decades of security measures and advancements that have been taken by Apple and every tech company that we interact with, to keep out the uber-erudite hackers and cyber-gonifs (thieves).
Today, phones house everything that our desktops, laptops and tablets used to hold, or more. They are the gateway to our entire lives. I respect law enforcement and I cannot even begin to comprehend the kind of pressure they are under to keep us safe. But please, please, keep the back door locked Tim. This is one pandora of a box, kaynahorah (geeze-louise) we shouldn’t open! Be the alrightnik (successful) mensch (good person) that you are and continue to protect the world for my kids, and everyone else.