Of Mice and Women II: Like we need another challenge?

Gatsby, our 12 pound watch dog, at the ready
Gatsby, our 12 pound watch dog, at the ready

So tomorrow, we are going to renew our lease at the Manor. I feel kind of, well, feh (grief, blending with a bit of the blues) about everything. While not out of our hole, we are vigorously, frugally digging. We were hoping to be further along, but beshert is beshert (que sera-sera). There are irons in the fire. Well, there’s metal. And it’s hot.

Some of you may remember our previous ‘pest period.’ It was not pretty, especially for the Mrs., who at the time, I affectionately referred to as my LMPP (loving mouse-phobic partner). It seems as though the little grey gremlins are back. This may be a karmic result of my recent rant on mosquitoes (which also led to a doozy of a spider bite that took me down and out). Insert ‘WHITE FLAG’ here for all things alive and erring on icky.

So I get a call at work. The Mrs. and Little, they hear a squeaking sound under the stove. Gatsby, he hears it too. His nose is at the base of the stove and his tail is standing tall. “There must be a nest!”

I try to calm the terror in her voice. I gotta say this family needs this like I need a loch in kup (hole in my head). I quietly explain how we don’t have a nest, but we probably did catch a creature under the cooker. Since it’s wailing aloud, apparently a better mousetrap can be built! We stopped and held a moment of silence for the torturous death that was transpiring in our very own home. My shana madelah (sweet Little) had to hear this mishegas (craziness). We decide to try not to let Big find out about this incident. Why fan the flames inferno?

The Mrs., she calls the Manor (the third management company since our stay) and is told we will be placed on rotation for pest control. Oy gevalt (fuck this shit, ugh, gee whiz, really)! By the time I get home from work, the squeal had ceased, as did the mouse that roared.

A few nights ago, the Mrs., she comes into the bedroom, locates me amidst a bulk of blankets, Big, Little, and their selected ‘stuffies.’ She pokes at my ribs, and says, “It went snap. I heard a snap in the other room.” This could only mean one thing (aside from a lousy slumber). More.

Well, the Mrs. and Big are now both chaleria’s (slightly psychotic) and trembling in terror when it comes to these small, unwelcome beasts of burden. I got up (really just to pee) and secured the bedroom door (as much as one can do) and we all (yes, we are all together in one bed, in one room, for this very grey, furry reason) set off for a restless, edgy nights’ sleep.

The next morning, I get up at my normal 4am to work before work. Several hours later, alarms blaring, the Mrs., der kinder (the kids) and Gatsby all amble out of the bedroom, sleepy-eyed and cotton mouthed. “Did you check,” she asked me? “Nope,” I replied.

In a pre-caffeinated blur of bravery, the Mrs., my LMPP, she opens the doors to the closet where said snap sound came from a few short hours ago. She looked at me, pale and panicked. She mouthed, “Two. Dos. Duo.Bring the body bags.

Since it is only 7:20 am, I fire off an email to our newest friend in Manor management, Matthew. I hit send and barely heard the electronic swoosh of the email leaving, when I am startled from a sharp knock at the door. “Who is it?” “Maintenance!”

I pinched myself to prove I wasn’t dreaming (just exhaustion). It was Franklin! Franklin – my morning knight in shining arm gloves, carrying a plastic bag. The kids are so busy getting ready for school that they don’t even notice him exhuming the bodies.

He came back soon after with fresh traps in hand. The Mrs., she says, “Aren’t you going to add peanut butter?” Franklin mulls it over, probably thinking, ‘hmmm, a nice nosh (snack, meal, or in this case, last supper), even for a mouse?’ He looks perplexed. No PB in his toolbox. What to do? So the Mrs., she gives him the organic, free range, dead-sea salted smooth spread that we’ll be paying off for the next 30 years. At least they’ll go out with a nice nosh?

We are ferklempt ( a hot mess) over here. So, who among you has this issue, and how are you handling it?


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29 thoughts on “Of Mice and Women II: Like we need another challenge?

  1. The last apartment I lived in had a rat problem, but it only seemed to happen once a year. I guess when all the baby rats are born? Pest control laid out little plastic boxes that had a bar of something inside that the rats loved (seriously and quite audibly), ate, then went away to die. I never understood why they kept coming back — I mean, rats aren’t stupid. Eventually, they had to know that what they were eating was poison.

    How long have humans and rats lived together? C’mon, rats, stay outside, okay? You are a rodent, not a person. (No, I didn’t ease their passing with peanut butter, but I didn’t force them to eat the poison, either.)

    Usually, I would just hear them attacking the trap like there was meth inside, but I did happen to see one on two different occasions. And dude, they were different rats, not the same rat, one brown and one gray. I tried to tell myself that I was bigger than them, and there was nothing they could do to hurt me. But… but… gross me out. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh! Rats I don’t think we could handle. Had a friend with a rat problem. She did everything. Sealed the foundation and walls in cement. Those things ate through it to come back in. One night, one walks across her living room. She grabbed her sleeping kid, some things, locked the front door and left. No turning back. I would do the same.
      Amazing how these creatures scare us so, but they do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just so you know, I can’t tell the difference between mice and rats. I mean, mine were pretty small, so they were probably mice. Not that it makes any difference, they’re both gross. Perhaps I’m discriminating against mice? Probably. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Love these posts but feel your rodent based pain

    We had mice in our previous flat and they were scared if nothing and our cat ignored them preferring to hunt by staying really still and waiting for something to walk in his mouth. One day a spider did and he was as surprised as anyone it worked but no mouse.

    When we lived by the sea we had a rat scrabbling around. We left poison in a tray. It ignored the poison and ate the tray.


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      1. If all else fails you have the basis of a cute ‘odd couple’ type sitcom.

        When my late-father in law was screamed at to do something about the mouse he made a little ‘Home Sweet Home’ sign and stuck it above the mousehole in the skirting board.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ahhhhh!!!! I am terrified of them! I would be the one screaming and standing on tables. I am sorry I am of no help except for the screaming bit! LOL Thanks for sharing this scary tale with #PasstheSauce


  4. You have my sympathy, which won’t help a bit. I hate them. When I lived in the tropics we had a cat that kept them from ever bothering us. She would eat them but leave the tails lined up to show us each morning. If she wanted attention and praise she would bring them under our bed at night and crunch on them, still better than having them ruin everything.

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  5. Gosh! Where on earth are you living?! Mosquitoes – now mouses? You need to get your lovely pug some training if you are going to have cats. I have to say I am very impressed with the maintenance guy. Very super fast service. Here – it would take at least 48 hours! I hope the dead-sea salted smooth spread work, and will shoo off them away.

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost


  6. The only mice I have seen around ours are little field mice who occasionally pop into the garden to hoover up the fallen bird seed. However, we have had a rat!! A giant, furry, and really not cute RAT!! It wrapped itself around the bird feeder and shimmied up using its pink, coiled, mind-of-its-own-tail to balance!! Bleurgh!!! I would have coped better if it had actually been an R.O.U.S (Princess Bride – Rodent Of Unusual Size!) Our cat is not great at catching things but on one occasion….. he was. But that’s all for a blog I’m currently working on!

    Love your writing style!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. AH SHIT noooooot the mice! Side note: I’m loving the bi-linguil-ness of this post, I feel like I am learning while being entertained. ; ) I can’t believe this all happened before 8am! You start early girl. I’m glad Franklin finally saved the day. Very funny story! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh no! Mice, mosquitoes & biting spiders?? I’m sure there must be some kind of medal for honour & bravery you can get for dealing with this! I am so pathetic – I do not get on with wildlife and do not like it near me!

    Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time


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