Posted on in aging, humor, parenting, two moms, Uncategorized, Wordpress

You gotta have heart

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Oy. It’s only Tuesday and it’s already been some week. Little and Big, they are getting a little bit of shpilkes (like ants in your pants when it’s the littles) as summer winds down. The Mrs., and me we are a bit unnerved to say the least. These little shana maidels (sweet, beautiful girls) of ours, truly are wonderful little humans. And like all of you out there, we have our moments. You may have read about our dinner table tsuris (troubles) a couple of posts back. As they say, a work in progress? Nu?

I understand now why all adult characters on the Peanuts, you know, Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Linus, they all sound like,”Wah wah wah wah wah, wah wah.” It was an actual trombone they used to make the sound. That trombone is what our voices sound like to the kinder (kids)! Charles Schultz, he knew this way back when, that the kids drown out our voices with selective hearing. Snoopy is now 66 years old and lives in a retirement village with Peppermint Patti in Boca.

Until yesterday, it has been 192 degrees in the shade. Walking from the apartment to the car was enough to make you plotz (faint, or even drop dead). The water at the pool was near boiling, less than refreshing. My Mrs., perhaps inspired by the Olympics, she set up a gymnastics area in our hallway here at the Manor. The mini indoor trampoline leads into the ‘exercise mat,’ also known as the bottom of the trundle bed. The girls, they bounce and jump and kick and land in cartwheels, somersaults, flip-flops and triple double axles. It’s a lovely release of energy, a heart-starter and somewhat quiet in comparison to the,”Wah wah wah wah wah, wah wah” that has been going on, and ignored. My Mrs., a genius!

Mittendrinnen (in the middle of everything), I have been experiencing heart palpitations for the past thirty-six four months. It’s not enough to just have chronic pain and all the joy that comes along with that… I had to go ‘all-extracurricular’ and add a new medical ‘–ist’ to the team line up. After meeting yesterday with the cardiologist, they ran some tests, looked at my blood and ordered a halter monitor for me to wear for 2 weeks. Things look okay, but who’s to say? The doc, he says, “Do you have a lot of stress? Are you sleeping well?” What a jokester he is!

Ven tsores laigt zikh nit oifen ponem, laigt zikh es oifen hartsen (When distress doesn’t show on the face, it lies on the heart).

Apparently, I’m a chaleria (nervous, anxious wreck) on the inside only, from this thing called life, or at least the last couple of years. And it may be manifesting in the lub-dub, lub-dub of my very own Tell-Tale Heart. I get a call a few hours later from the heart monitor people who are setting up my delivery. They tell me my out-of-pocket expenses after insurance for this little device will be only $860 and change. Are they fucking nuts? We don’t have that kid of loot! This baby is a beauty, she records every blip, 24/7.

“Elizabeth, this is the big one. I’m coming to join you!” (For all of you non-baby-boomers, this is a television reference to Sanford and Son.)

The 'Post-It Note' model, easy and affordable
The ‘Post-It Note’ model, easy and affordable

This fabulous pain point delivered directly to me from my brand new –ist! Is he kidding me? Who makes this MCOT unit, Rolex? What’s a frugalista momma to do? I dry the sweat from my forehead and dial-up Dr. Fancypants. I have to ask if there is another option? Of course, he has left for the day. Nu? I speak with his nurse and she tries to help me out. Lub-dub, lub-dub. A few moments later, I get another call from the monitor people. I’m still breathing, barely, and they tell me what good news they have for me! There is a cheaper version! Azoy (really)! It’s called the ‘Event’ monitor. It only records when there is a not so hotsy-totsy incident, like a skipped beat, added beats, or maybe a flat line. This one, a real bargain at only $187. Oy vey iz mir.

A bei gezunt (as long as you’re healthy). Lub-dub, lub-dub.

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46 thoughts on “You gotta have heart”

  1. I get heart palpitations, too. I think you get them once you reach a certain age, but then I’m not a doctor. I guess the only way to control it is medication. Medication you have to take for the rest of your life.

    Sometimes, I can stop the palpitations with breathing exercises. Being able to control your breathing helps to control the rate of your heartbeat. So, do it with me now… Sit up straight, take a deep breath in, expand your stomach with air, hold it for a second or two, then deflate your whole body like a balloon losing air, dropping your shoulders and releasing… releasing… letting go.

    There, you’re cured. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Do you have a lot of stress? Are you sleeping well?” I love how the doctors ask silly questions like this, What Mom doesn’t have stress and gets to sleep her full 8 hours? ha ha! Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity. I hope everything turns out well with all of the monitoring, just don’t think about the cost until after it comes off (medical bills? stressful? n’ah never).

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  4. When I read things like this, I count myself lucky that in the UK we have the NHS and our healthcare is free. Having said that, we would be waiting at least 6 months for a test like this (I often say to my Doctor – I’ll either be dead or better by then!). Good luck with the cardiac investigation though, I have heart problems and it is a worry in itself, let alone the added worries of everyday life! Glad to meet you via #FabFridayPost

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    1. Thank you Carol for your kind words. Oh free healthcare would be divine. We pay and it’s still awful. I may be dead before I hook this guy up. Tonight is the night to set up! More to come. You stay healthy, and it’s a pleasure to meat you as well! #fabfridaypost😘✨

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  6. Hehe. Lisa. But yeah, that bill is a whopping biggie! I have lost count of the number of almost cardiac arrests during my son’s growing years. Now that he is at college, they may be fewer, but intense, nevertheless. Gosh, I’ve never jumped on a trampoline. Sigh. Hugs! Are you feeling better? #mg

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    1. Thank you Vidya. I’m feeling better knowing that it’s probably just stress. So now, it’s what to do about that! I still have another week to wear this annoying equipment. I will keep all posted. Ty. M’wah! 😘✨❤️ #mg

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  7. It’s winter her but yes those hot summers day are nasty! Gosh hope you are OK, I agree silly doctor of course mums are not sleeping well, both my eldest aged 12 and youngest aged 6 woke me up last night due to bad dreams and scary thoughts oh and the dog came in too! But seriously it can be scary when anything involves heart health so take care!!!!!! #mg

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  11. Crikey I am so pleased that I live in the UK – land of the NHS – costs like these must do nothing to calm an anxious ticker!? I hope that everything works out OK lovely. Oh and by the way – I love “shpilkes”. I’m going to start using this immediately! Thanks for linking with #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh my lovely I’m sorry to hear of your woes, stress and anxiety. So glad you managed to find a less expensive option. Some meditation maybe (or maybe stop bouncing in the trampoline you! 😉) just bounce your way, gently mind, through the trampoline of life! Sometimes we bounce high, sometimes we bounce low, sometimes we break a spring…sometimes we bounce and put our head through the wall!!! But we always bounce back!
    Aloha nui loa – much love 🌺
    #ablogginggoodtime

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  17. Your mrs is a genius – love the hallway trampolining! I’m sure I just sound like ‘wah wah wah’ to my kids all the time!
    That is some expensive medical monitoring – it’s insane. Hope the results come back okay! x

    Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

    Liked by 1 person

  18. You make me laugh even when you’re talking medical scares….respect!
    The price for those monitors is phenomenal – seriously can you not buy one of these?
    http://beetsblu.com/monitor.html or http://uk.wahoofitness.com/devices/hr
    Soooo glad I am in the UK, they strapped me up and sent me off and no money left my bank account! I’ve got heart arrhythmia but no one seems to be that bothered…if I was paying $860 I would expect someone to come and mop my brow 🙂
    #’stayclassymama

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  19. Yep! Your Mrs is a Genius! I would love this indoor trampoline in the house too! I hope your heart is on the amend. I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I could physically be there and give you a big hug! I am sending my big hug to you via wifi!! 🙂 Xxx

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost My apology for taking me so long to comment. I hope that you can join us again today. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  20. My doctor has been trying to get me in to check my bloodwork for quite sometime now. I am quite certain that when I do he’s going to tell me that if I don’t change something in my life that I’m not going to see my kids graduate. Actually I fear that. Although I have decided that now the kids are back to school I am back to the gym. Had every intention of going today until I woke up sick. So instead I will just spend the day catching up on some blogging which is waaaaay overdue kind of Ike my bloodwork. Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink and hope to see you again this week!

    Liked by 1 person

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