Swimming Upstream

always upstream, oy vey
Always upstream, oy vey iz mir

It’s been a fucking lifetime few weeks now of life as a salmon, swimming against the tide of bureaucratic bullshit on numerous life levels. Paperwork perdition. Righting wrongs, with only a small success to keep my spirit motivated. I fear losing some of my much called upon ‘glass half-full’ skills. I’ve been a salmon so long now, I cannot even appreciate a nice nosh (snack) of lox and bagels with a shmear…Oy vey iz mir.

  • IRS: the Mrs., and me, we filed our 2015 tax return in February of 2016. Twenty-one days is what the website said. I’ve always been an early filer. I pay what we owe and I look forward to our return. Never have we as a family been so in need of said gelt (money) from the return than this year. Please understand, as of this writing, it is now mid-September of 2016. That’s 21 days plus almost 7 months, and still going. Talk about red tape! I’ve spoken to my accountant more times than both he and I care for… Maybe he even blocked my number by now. I’ve gone many a day to irs.gov, clicked on ‘Find my refund’ (the fact that they have that as a button option, I’m just sayin’) and get the same message every time: Your tax return has not yet been processed. I called the IRS back in March of this year and found a live person, who was kind and apologetic. I let him know my story and he searched high and low, keeping me on the phone for almost 3 hours. He found out that my return was placed in some holding purgatory for those who have had experienced identity theft!

My heart pounded, “What, someone stole my identity and has my return?” “No, it was just a random pull”, he replied. “Let me see what I can do to get this processed for you”. I took his name and badge number and felt we were on our way. He said, “Call, and just ask for me by my badge number.”

That was March. Now, I dial the many IRS numbers I have amassed, and get 85+ different prompts, all of which I have tried, and none of which lead me to an actual live person. I fear for my badge-numbered friend. I go through the ‘find the status of my refund’ prompt, and nu, I get: Your tax return has not yet been processed. I called the phone number of the local IRS department, and I got a recording saying, ‘This phone number does not offer phone support.What the fuck! I even tried the phone number for the hearing impaired. After all, even the IRS would be nice to the hearing impaired, right? Not so much. When the machine picked up, it let out a blaring sound, like a ship at sea (warning poor schlemeils (fools) like me, mere salmon still going upstream) to move aside. My right ear, it still rings. And yes, dejectedly, I am still swimming.

photo by @willowandsage1 follow on instagram
photo by @willowandsage1 follow her on instagram (the Mrs.)
  • Botox: As many of you know, I get Botox injections (no, my face is like a google map!) to assist in chronic neck/head pain, cervical dystonia, etc. Due to the cost prohibitive nature of this treatment, Allergan, the company that makes the injections of botulism that relieve the pain to passable life levels, offers a subsidy for those who are green-gelt impaired. An incorrect diagnosis code has bolloxed my Botox, leaving my pain plan in a perpetual place of purgatory, like the above referenced tax return gelt (loot). I call, I write, I beg, and I remain without treatment. No one should know of such pain. If you want to click here or here, you can learn more about how wonderful Botox is for my chronic pain.
Getting un-towed, not so easy
Getting un-towed, not so easy
  • The Car Tow: So as not to be deemed a total whiner, let me tell you now, this one ends with a Mitzvah (in a win, a good deed)! My Mrs., she had a lovely day at the shore with friends right at the end of the summer. She left early to get there and got home late in the evening, making memories of fun and laughter with good friends, Little and Big. She arrived back at the Manor and there was not one parking space available. In fact people were parked sideways, on the grass, and in the fire lanes. Half asleep, I grumbled, “Leave the car in the stairway spot. There are no signs saying ‘no parking’ and you can move it in the morning.” She awoke to a car towed and the start of a fight with the 4th management company to take charge here at the Manor since our sojourn began. We talked to Katrina, the new manager. She could give two shits about us or our car. We begged for her to get the car released as she did for two other families before us.  I contacted Katrina’s boss. No response. Our car was gone, and we needed $200 to free it from this unfortunate and unnecessary incarceration. This timing, it was not so good for us in the gelt department. The next week, we searched under sofa cushions and on the floors of our cars to scrape by — no joke. The fight, it continued. Went on for weeks. The neighbors, they all complained. We did not relent, and we finally got word, today, that we will be credited $200 towards next month’s rent. Azoy! (Huzzah!)

There’s more, but this seems like just enough. End on a good note.

Tsum shtain zol men klogen nor nit bei zikh zol men trogen. Better pour out your troubles to a stone, but don’t carry them within yourself. So, I’m pouring. Thanks for reading! 

Wishing you all a tsuris (trouble) free time. A bei gezunt (Be in good health).







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41 thoughts on “Swimming Upstream

  1. I am so angry with the system! Hugs, Lisa! It is tough being an upstream-swimming salmon! I am tackling my own share of shit with my son’s passport renewal and a host of other things that have no business happening, but your post just humbled me. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and create happiness. Allergan is a good company. I am very sorry to read about the mess up! And the IRS? The less said the better. We’re dealing with an unfair noncredit of tax paid that runs to tens of thousands, the &^%$#. We have appealed but no action has been forthcoming, the &^%$#

    I am going to have a serious talk with my “Friends” at my altar every morning until things become better for you! I light one serious lamp every morning. I swear it grants wishes.


  2. Oh no!! This all sounds like a nightmare! I have never heard of botox being used for chronic pain, why did I not know this? I have chronic pain and am under pain management but none of the medications or the exercises given help, I’m at my wits end with the head and neck pain! Maybe I need some botox….I wonder if they would agree to inject it in my crows feet while they’re at it?! #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  3. oh shit! That is so frustrating, and I would have panicked with the whole mention of identity left! I hope you get the next botox soon as there is nothing worse than being in such pain, it really affects everything when we’re in pain! So sorry things have been crappy, keep smiling gorgeous and being that laughing self! Mwah! #mg oh and #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Keep your head above water! Wear armbands where necessary and try and get to the floating peacefully on a lilo, staring at the sky stage as soon as possible. I wish you luck🙂 Alison x #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG! What a week has been for you at the manor! I don’t know which is worse the IRS system or the Botox, but I am so glad you have found the money just in time to reclaim be the car! The manager is so useless! Hope the holiday/ day out went well though.🙂 Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost. Again I love your rants!😉 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Aaaarrrrghhhhh, Lisa! I feel your pain. I HATE calling certain departments because you’re always on hold, forever, it is definitley a new type of hell. And red tape and paperwork, I can feel your stress. It is absolutely ridiculous! Hope it gets better for you soon. #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am knocking wood as I say this El, but I’m feeling a bit hopeful. My Doc, who I saw this week, gave me Botox injections from samples. Our fight for the towed car, we won. Yesterday I grabbed a big fish for sales with a client. My fingers are crossed and I am feeling the magical energy of my blogger friends every day. You included. 😘✨ #ablogginggoodtime next I take on the IRS again!!!💓❤️💓❤️💓❤️


  7. Oh bless you! The IRS and the Botox treatment sound like nightmares. Perhaps you could get them to deal with each other so you don’t have to – IRS could pay tax return to Botox people for treatment! Glad you at least won the car battle!

    So sorry for my lateness – having technological issues this week! Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

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