Ivanka: J Darling, the school just called to remind us about the parent teacher conference this evening.

Jared: I dearest, you know I can’t. I’m negotiating a Middle East peace treaty this evening.

I: J, this is your child, my love.  Isn’t that more important? Those people have been around a long time, right? Like before there was even air conditioning, I think. And they survived. Can’t the peace deal wait until tomorrow?

J: Trust me, I wish. But Big Daddy said I had to do it by this evening.  He has some other stuff he wants me to take care of, so I have to get this out of the way. And anyway, tomorrow I’ll be solving the US opiate problem.

I: And how will you do that?

J: Well, “Just say ‘no” has already been tried. I’ll have to come up with something else between now and then.

I:…