Dear onabotulinumtoxinA, I really miss you

It’s been some seven months or so since we last, well, hooked- up. You, me, Doc M., the hospital. It was, well, magical! I know you felt it too. You, so helpful, so giving. I miss your touch. That extraordinary effect you have over me.

For those of you not in the know, I’m talking about Botox. Not the ‘wrinkle-relaxer’ to iron-out the multitude of well-earned, effin’ lines that surround my mouth and eyes kind of Botox. Oh no, I’m speaking of the genius who figured out that if you inject actual botulism, a poison, strategically and methodically into the muscles of people like me who suffer chronic pain (cervical dystonia, and occipital neuralgia), it will deaden the pain. Deaden the pain. Three such beautiful words.

May you never experience such pain and troubles. Ir zolt mir nit visn fun ken tzar un tsuris.

Botox, you quiet my nerve signals, as they are effed up not so hotsy-totsy. When they are screaming to my brain, “OUCH, spasm, contract, OUCH,” your prickly approach allows my body to function, to feel like me. With you, I like me. Without you in my life, the pain gets so unbearable, that the contents of my body empty completely.  Yes, both north and south partner up on this exercise in exhaustive depletion. This, in turn, causes dehydration, additional spasms, contractions, and OUCHES! Not the big-O I am seeking.

onabotulinumtoxinA, Botox, your injectables, make me closer to fine. You complete me. The biggest problem in our relationship — what most people fight over, gelt (money). The dreaded pharma co-pay. You see, your precious vials, while worth every cent my love, cost $1200. Since insurance makes us ‘go dutch,’ our chance encounters run $600 USD.  Together, we need Dr. M. and his wise, slow hands. The best neurologist a tier 3 kind of practice according to insurance, even though he is in my effing network in the city of brotherly love unites us. The ambiance of our darkened medical suite, the cost of the tincture, the scent of the isopropyl alcohol — can you hear the clamorous Ka-ching that distances us?

Don’t worry about it! Zok nit kin vey!

This is how my Mrs. and me, we approached this dilemma for the first nine months. Feel better. Life will be good. Until those credit card bills come thudding through the post. You or groceries, school, rent, life. It’s too expensive to exist. That puts our union, our relationship, in the varbotn (forbidden) category. This is not the frugalista, Yiddisheh momma speaking. This is a true pharmaceutical reality that divides our picture-perfect match. We are no better than the Montagues and the Capulets. A star-crossed pair. A schadchen (marriage broker) couldn’t make me a better match, find me a better find.

So, my dear Allergan, this is an open plea for help. You, your Botox! It works, I am your advocate! Your ambassador. A walking, talking example of Botox in action when I am lucky enough to be under your spell. Help me help you to help me feel better. I can be a better mama, a better spouse, a better worker, a better activist, a better all around human being on the planet. Your unique power to deaden the pain in quarterly injectable, installments, is no less than miraculous. No heavy opioid side effects. Instant ability to operate heavy machinery and make important life decisions. With you by my side, the pain, she is very manageable. Sleep is greatly improved. Appetite is back. Together with my occipital stimulator,  I can almost consider myself to be, dare I even say it,  N – O- R – M – A – L. 

Allergan, Botox, Dr. M., hospital. Until we all meet again. There is no shame here. Only love.

“Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.”   William Shakespear, Romeo and Juliet

Zie gezunt. Be healthy. Be well. 





46 thoughts on “Dear onabotulinumtoxinA, I really miss you

  1. I am so sad that you are in pain, I hope you get some relief soon, living with pain is really really tough!!!! You deserve some relief xx #mg


    1. Thanks, Mac. It’s been some time now. Too long living with chronic pain, but there are not many alternatives! I will stay positive and work towards affording it again soon. Big hugs, #mg


  2. My mum has chronic pain bit I don’t think botox is widely used in the UK as treatment. It’s interesting. I think our culture is too stiff upper lip about it and we need to talk about it more. I hope you ae able to have some again soon. Health and wealth shouldn’t be reliant on one another. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics


  3. It is times like these that I really appreciate the NHS. I am amazed that Botox can provide pain relief, I knew it could help with over active sweat-glands (i know its wierd right?!)
    Fingers crossed you get the relief you need. Thank you for linking up to #TriumphantTales, I hope to see you back again next week!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Botox works wonders! And I hear great things about the NHS while mr t tries to dismantle our plan. Healthy and Wealthy, that’s how he sees it… Thanks for the good wishes. My glass is till half full! #TriumphantTales

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You and I could “kvetch” about the problems in the American healthcare system for hours. Instead I will just wish you well and hope someday soon the people in power see the problem in leaving our health in the hands of for profit companies.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Like many others here I had no idea that botox had so many uses. Really hope one day you feel less pain. You have a great positive outlook. Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales


  6. I cannot get over how expensive medical insurance in the USA is. It’s a rip off!! We pay so much of our hard earned money to insurance companies and then we STILL HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE… Its shocking! Oh LIsa, I hope you are at least in a pain free space at this moment! Thinking of you love !! x #globalblogging


    1. Kinder words could not come my way! Thank you, so very much! It’s bad, and mr t is trying to make it worse. Why? Because he can. Hopefully, he will continue to prove his massive impotence in all areas of the political scheme. xoxoxo #globalblogging


  7. The American healthcare system is so flawed in that it doesn’t provide the “healthcare” for the people who need it. Everyone should be able to access pain relief regardless of wealth etc. I hope that your health improves soon #FridayFrolics


  8. Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear about this horrendous pain that you are always in! It must be such a difficult decision to have to make and it makes me so sad just reading about it. I am so very thankful for our NHS system here in the UK – my daughter has very complex medical needs that we would never have been able to afford. #blogcrush


  9. It’s very sad that you are expected to pay so much just to be able to enjoy a normal standard of life. I do hope you get some relief soon. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday


    1. Thanks so much. It is sad. To be healthy, you need to be wealthy? And mr t, he is trying to make it even worse. I am trying to be grateful for what is good. Thanks so much for reading and commenting! M’wah! #KCACOLS xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I had no idea botox could be used like this. I knew it could help with excessive sweating, as well as wrinkles, but I didn’t know it could bring so much pain relief to people. x #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You have such a great way with words.

    I love reading your posts. They are very unique.

    I read they were going to introduce Botox injections into the head for migraine relief. I contemplated it at one point. I really think we take our healthcare for granted in the UK.

    I’m so sure people wouldn’t abuse the system as much if they had to pay for likes of health insurance.

    So sorry to hear you suffer from so much pain. Seems almost everyone has a secret burden to bear. We do what we can to get through life huh.

    Much love.


    Liked by 1 person

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