Swimming Upstream

Guatemalan worry dolls… been working them in over time

Hello, my friends. I have been quiet of late — very unlike me, I know. It has been a hell of a couple of years weeks. First, strep throat knocked us all to our knees. One by one, we fell. Despite hand washing, Lysol wipes and new toothbrushes, we were coated with cooties and all swilling shots of penicillin. Strep is literally, like swallowing a brick. Not fun times as an adult — I can only imagine the pain for my kinder (children). Gatsby was literally, the last man standing. Vey iz mir (OMG, but worse), it was bad. 

What followed in the aftermath was tougher to bear than the bacteria-baked bricks… Our, my journey of late has been tough. No harder than the next person mind you… of that I am well aware. Still difficult, nonetheless.

I have been living the plight of the salmon. (Not the delicious kind that ends up atop your shmear (cream cheese) on a toasted everything bagel…) I’m talking about the astounding event where the momma fish like any other but the mother would do this leaves years of comfort in ocean dwelling, genetically alters its very form to seek out and return, upstream, against the tides, waterfalls, bears, and all odds, to the roots of their birth. Without google maps, these salmon, they locate the exact freshwater stream of their birth, to lay the eggs of a new generation on the gravel river beds. And then they die, knowing the kinder are well-tended and will carry on.

These salmon, they are fighters. They are filled with courage and defiance to do what they must do — to follow their core. They are the definition of #rebelgirls and #strongwomen. They defy all limitations and persevere, despite obstacles, predators and sheer exhaustion. They do this because they have no other choice but to be true to themselves and those they love. 

This Yiddisheh momma has been #livingfearlesslyauthentic, much like the salmon. I swam hard and long. I reached my freshwater riverbed, and I spoke my truth. I did so for injustice and all that is unfair. I did so for my Mrs., my Big, and my Little. I did so for ME. And I truly believed that:

If you lie on the ground, you cannot fall. Az mi ligt oif der erd, ken men nit fallen.

What I learned, was that you can still fall. That the truth is not always enough. That there are so many who can easily look away from truths. That so many can label, misrepresent, smear (very different from a nice shmear), and lie. And that the latter group that can win. And that in itself can be mentally and physically crushing.

My silence is over. My quiet has passed. I still grieve the loss, nurture my courage. I will become whole again. After all, I have two shayneh maidelehs (sweet little girls)  that must know that despite everything, it is always an obligation, to tell the truth. That we must always stand tall and respectfully fight, not only the injustices that we face, but those of our fellow humans too. I have learned in no uncertain terms that the battles that surround us are much larger than we know. That the work ahead is complex.

And despite my loss, I would stand up again, and risk the same fall. My Mrs. and me, we will raise two mighty girls with voices to engage and take a stand for their sisters and brothers who need them.

Injustice won this time, a shonda (crying shame). But this particular salmon, I am not rolling over and playing dead.

A liar tells his story so often that he gets to believe it himself. A ligner hert zikh zeineh ligen azoi lang ein biz er glaibt zikh alain.

Plus, I know karma is a bitch for all nogudniks (someone on the wrong side of the law).






55 thoughts on “Swimming Upstream

  1. I hope your house is well on its path to the road to recovery. I am sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time of it recently.
    Keep swimming with your salmons and we’ll come up fighting! #bigpinklink & #Globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

  2. yes you have been quiet and I have missed your strong, beautiful voice very much! You are stronger than you know and have such beautiful heart. We do all fall, sometimes we need to recharge and take a break, sometimes we need to all, and cry, and scream really loud! I hope you all feel better and stronger now, sending the hugest love!! keep living your truth, keep living fearlessly authentic and always know you are an inspiration!! Love you xx #mg

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, beautiful Mackenzie! I did all of those things you mentioned, and I do feel better. We are feeling better. And that which hurts us ultimately makes us stronger. I am so thankful to you and you can bank on the fact that I will continue t live fearlessly authentic! Love you xoxo #mg

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry you’ve been going through a tough time lately. I too have been feeling a bit like I’m swimming upstream. It’s good to be reminded that the bad times don’t last forever and we can keep on trying. Thanks for linking to #EatSleepBlogRT. Hope you join again next time.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Life has a habit of kicking us when we are down sometimes but you are clearly proof that you only ever come back stronger as a result. I hope you have had time to restock, recover and recharge your batteries and your journey now will be smoother or at least clearer. #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope you’re all starting to feel much better now, it’s awful when everyone gets ill at once. I like the strong women and salmon analogy. I’m a big believer in karma too. Thanks for joining up with the #bigpinklink this week.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so sorry that you’ve had such a tough time. It’s so hard when you’ve put your heart and soul into something but it doesn’t pay off. But we take a break, be kind to ourselves, assess whether we want to keep fighting or not, and keep going. I hope you’re able to rest a little too, though, and give yourself time to recover properly #blogcrush


  7. I am sorry you all were hit with strep on top of already downward days. Glad to hear you are feeling better all the way around. I am really counting on karma right now too. As always thanks for sharing on the #FabFridayPost

    Liked by 1 person

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