Posted on in #funny, Dogs, two moms, Uncategorized, Wordpress

No harm, no fowl

“My work here is never done…”

Spring is here and it’s beautiful dog walking weather. I love being outside with the family, proudly walking our crazy, loud, barking, pulling, misbehaved, and foraging boychik (little boy) and grabbing some extra vitamin D. Something I’ve noticed since Gatsby arrived to rescue our family, we constantly come across what seems to me, to be a gratuitous amount of chicken bones. Legs, wings, breasts, thighs… you name it and Gatsby will find them. One can only begin to understand my love for this furry family member, as I extract his foul, fowl finds from deep within the clenches of his canines. Disgusterous, as the BFG would say.

I would not be surprised at all, to find that our building and the surrounding homes, were built atop what was once, some sort of chicken cemetery. If you just go by the gross numbers of very gross bones per walk, per day — something just doesn’t add up. Storms, wind, digging, and these bones surface.  It’s haunting in a ‘Carol Ann, don’t go near the light’ kind of way. Often we, and by we, I mean Gatsby, finds grilled chicken breasts. There is often an assortment of accompanying sauces. And dare I say it, side dishes. WTF? Has Colonel Sanders gone AWOL? Has Frank Perdue gone cuckoo?

What if there is a chicken serial killer on the loose? And my Gatsby, with a nose for a nice nosh (little something to snack on), can’t help but uncover truth and justice for all. Law and Order: Poultry, live, right here in my neighborhood. The Capon Capers. Benson and Stabler, I need you here at Johnson and Greene, and bring that trained squad of detectives that focus primarily on putrid poultry misconduct.

Keeping my glass half-full, it is possible that we are constantly on the same frigging, filthy path as some unfortunate young travelers, who leave behind banty, barnyard fowl bones and scraps to find their way back home, like Hansel and Gretel. My Gatsby, sweet little man, is probably just doing his best sleuthing in an effort to help these lost kinder (children)?

“I smell chicken…”

It is possible that while wearing my pollyanna, rose-tinted sunglasses, someone is leaving behind the cock-a-doodle-doo trail until we find the magic wishbone? Gatsby’s mania for mystery may be a search the answers to our dreams? My lanky, long-legged, detective dog, is just trying his best to look out for our family. What a good boy!

You see, in my heart of hearts, I don’t want to believe that my neighborhood has gone afoul in dreck (trash, litter). Thankfully, after a year now, I can sternly let out a geshrei (scream) for Gatsby, “Drop it!” and he does. So does everyone else around me… maybe that’s why there are so many bones? Oy vey! (OMG!)

And this Yiddish Proverb, words to live by, if you are Gatsby:

A chicken dinner is best shared by two people. Me and the chicken. A hindl mitog iz bester sherd durkh tsvey mentshn. Mir aun di hindl.

What a good boy!

     

      

     

      

 

52 thoughts on “No harm, no fowl”

  2. Ah, Gatsby is such a handsome boy! Is he friendly? Can I pet him?! Virtually of course! We’ve just got a rescue cat and we’re having great fun getting to know him and helping him settle in. It’s great to see the changes in him as he realises he’s loved and has found a forever home. I wish you so much joy with your new friend

    Liked by 1 person

  6. HAHA! This made me chuckle. Our little dog has learn not to touch things she finds on the walk. If it is something she really really wants she gives me a soppy, forlorn look in the hope I’ll let her have whatever Disgusterous thing she has found. Gatsby is beautiful and what a great name for a dog! #coolmumclub

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    1. The Great Gatsby is consulting with many of his canine friends and I am sure we will get to the bottom of this fowl adventure! Until then, I must vigilantly scan the ground he walks on – no flower smelling for me! ❤ #StayClassyMama Happy Weekend! xoxo

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  9. This post makes me thankful that Lola doesn’t enjoy walks. I would freak out if she unearthed bones – I can be a bit nervous when Lola puts things in her mouth because she chokes so easily. And I am impressed Gatsby will drop it on command, Lola would have to be wrestled to the ground! #ThatFridayLinky

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    1. It took a lot of training to get to the Drop it phase… I’ve had my sad slimy hand all down his throat! Yikes!
      Lola doesn’t like to walk! What’s with that! Gatsby can walk for days at a time! ❤ Happy long weekend to you all! #ThatFridayLinky xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Gatsby is a trained professional. Who knew? Now I must be vigilant as I stare at the ground where his nose goes! It’s crazy time! Thanks for reading and commenting! #ThatFridayLinky xo

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  11. oh my gosh Lisa this is hilarious and strange, where could they be coming from? So funny! I love how you say he rescued you that’s what they do isn’t it! Mwah! #highlightsofhappy

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    1. Thanks Mac! It is crazy! I just imagine the crew from Law and Order stopping by. It was a fun way to tell the story — I think it’s trash. Boo. But I need more laughter, and so does the world! M’wah to you! #highlightsofhappy xoxo

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  18. Haha! Lisa! That’s actually so funny. And I can completely sympathise and see this happening, because we have the same with our dog. He tends to sniff out junk food. Chips, left over burgers and the dreaded chicken drum sticks. My main worry is always the possibility of him grabbing a small bone and it getting stuck in his throat. I think people forget that dog are little hoovers. #DreamTeam xx

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  20. Ha ha this post made me laugh! I originally read the title as “no ham, no fowl”, maybe Gatsby would like ham too? I wouldn’t worry too much about his love for chicken, there could be worse things. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

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  24. It sounds to me like someone is leaving offerings to a deity of some sort. You may have stumbled upon their altar. Either that or they’re trying to poison the local rat population and in that case it would be tainted with something so it’s good that he drops it when told! Gatsby sure is a cutie!

    Have a great day!
    Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

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