The summer sizzle, she has started! When I saw the temps hit 101, oy vey iz mir (oh em gee), I had to document it for you all to see. Me, I like the heat. You will not get a complaint from me from heat and humidity… cold, that’s another story altogether. And in the heat, we get a bissel meshugeneh ( a little bit crazy). It’s hard to believe the things that have come from my mouth, in these short, early days of summer.
- Absolutely no licking your sister or Gatsby — in fact, you really should not ‘lick’ anyone at all
- How many times do I need to tell you both that your feet should not be on the walls?
- There footprints on the walls
in every damned room in this crap apartment - Talk with your big girl voice
- No dribbling in the house, we have neighbors to consider
- Please, just roll the ball
- Do you want me to bring the ball downstairs and give it away?
- I do not think you should have a jar of Kalamata olives for breakfast
- Step away from the Kalamata olives
- What is the one rule we have in this family? That’s right, be kind.
Really, you are slowly killing meWas (insert kicking, throwing, not sharing, yelling, ignoring, having a tantrum) that behavior kind?- Can you try using your utensils during meals?
- Today, I am not going to mention anything about using utensils
- Can we try to have just one meal, where everyone stays at the table, in their seats, the whole meal, utensils or not
- Do you even hear my
effingvoice when I speak? Just fuc*ing answer meI know you heard me speak, so can youjust fuc*ing answer mekindly respond?- Do you know what it feels like to be ignored?
- R-E-S-P-O-N-D-!
- You do not need to cry, just answer
so I don’t go batshit crazy and start throwing things - My girls, if being tired were a valid excuse for making bad choices, mommy and Ema would be
miserable asshatsgrumpy and unkind all of the time - Why are you frustrated, honey?
kill me, or stick a hot poker in my eye - Who used magic markers on this white table
What is the definition of mental illness? - Honey, please put something underneath your paper when you draw or color
- Why is the table purple and blue?
- Please think your answer through before you speak — lying is not kind
- Well, then who colored on the table?
- Who remembers what mommy and Ema say about licking? (please note: she just licked the soy sauce bottle on the table at the Chinese restaurant
I am completely useless - Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
- Little, please leave Gatsby’s teeth alone — he is trying to sleep
- If he’s growling at you
do you want him to go all Cujo on you, what is he trying to tell you, honey? - I don’t think Gatsby want’s to wear your bike helmet right now sweetheart – maybe just the pearls
- Has anyone brushed their teeth today
because these toothbrushes are bone dry, and your breath reeks of hummus? - Yes, you have to brush the wiggly-giggly teeth or the tooth fairy will not visit
for a couple of nasty, food covered, smelly, grungy teeth, blech! - Can you both try to stay in the bathroom while you brush your teeth
- Girls, should we be walking around the apartment while brushing our teeth?
- Please turn off the water while you brush your teeth
- What does mommy say every time about conserving water for the planet, girls
- Look how
Jesus H. Christhard you are running the water - Do you want your children to have water (yes, I did go there) to brush their teeth?
- Big, brush longer — sing an entire Adele song in your head
- Little, enough brushing already!
- You really only need to spit once or twice when rinsing
- I counted 17 rinse/spits — toothbrush down — step away from the sink
- Why is there
a crap load oftoothpaste on the flooreach and every damned day of my life - Let’s put on some sunscreen girls
- It’s time for more sunscreen girls – because we want to protect you
- Why are you standing in the refrigerator?
- Please, girls, do not drink your water with the refrigerator door open
- Your glass of water will not get hot if you keep it by your side during dinner
- What does mommy say
shut the damned fridge door alreadyabout conserving energy for the planet earth? - Do not drink your water like Gatsby would, honey, you have opposable thumbs for a reason
- (Epic spill) Oy, it’s only water — grab a towel
- Be nice to each other, you are shvesters (sisters)
- Do you know how lucky you are to be shvesters?
After cleaning every damned pot, pan and dish in the kitchenHow on earth can you be huuuuuunnngry?- Why do you say that like you’re about to cry? Say it normally, in your big girl voice
- Drink a glass of water and let’s check back in together, in 20 minutes or so
- Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
- What did I say about drinking your water with the refrigerator door open?
- Nope, it hasn’t been 20 minutes yet
- When I say no licking, that includes the refrigerator door handle
someone, save me - Okay, but think about what you want BEFORE you open the door of the refrigerator
- Fine, have some olives — yup, as many as you like
- No, you cannot eat them on the sofa
- Because we eat food at the table
- Because I SAID SO (yep, I said that too)
- Gesundheit!
sneezed into my f*cking mouth — ugh!Sneeze into your elbow, please sweetie - Uh-oh, cough
germ warfare game oninto your elbow too, honey - Please don’t pick your nose
- Even when you turn away, mommy can tell that you are picking your nose
- Because I can
- Now, go wash your hands so we all don’t get sick
- STOP! Should you be jumping on the sofa
especiallywhen we have a f*cking trampoline in the living room? - Does this look like the playground (well, minus the trampoline – apartment life)?
- Get on the trampoline girls and jump some of that energy out
- Okay, then read, color, call Nona,
split the atom, cure cancer, write letters to Sen. Toomeyor put on a show for us - Yes, we will put our phones down when we watch your show — now go and practice in your room
- We were just talking while you both were rehearsing – remember how we talked about how sometimes, mommy and Ema, we need time to talk to each other?
- Grown up stuff
- Why are you standing on the sofa?
- Okay, let’s just think before we jump on someone without them expecting it
Oh for f*cks sakeEma, are you okay?- PLEASE!
breatheKindness includes not jumping or ramming into each other or us Maybe I am the one who is batshit bonkers and no noise at all comes out of my mouthDoes anyone in this house HEAR ME when I SPEAK?- Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
- Yes it is the weekend
- No sweethearts, mommy stays home today! It’s a family day!
- Maybe we can get ice cream today
- Not really, most of the time ‘maybe’ means ‘yes’
because mommy and Ema crave ice cream nightly, it is our equivalent of a nice bottle of red - Let’s walk Gatsby, you can bring your scooters
- Of course, you have to wear your helmets
- Yes, you need more sunscreen – that was hours ago
- Because it is mommy and Ema’s job to take good care of you
- Everybody, please pee before we go
- It will be a nice walk, I don’t know how long
- Are you really going to scooter in those gladiator boots
I’m meshuggeneh (crazy)? - Come here girls, give me a big hug
- Ewwww! Did you just LICK my underarm?
- Ema, text me when we
canshould come back! - Take all the time you need, honey
- I love you all to the moon and back, to infinity!
She (and by she, I mean me) should go crazy and run around through the streets. Zi shoudl geyn mshuge aun loyfn arum dirk di gasn.
Number 16 cracked me up! I’m visiting my friend and her two boys – 12 and 10. No one hears the adults! #bigpinklink
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Batshit! Makes me nuts!!!! 😘💕 #bigpinklink
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This really cheered me up! We also have olive issues in our house haha x
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This really cheered me up! We also have olive issues in our house haha x
#bigpinklink
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Yesterday at a birthday party, my little, no joke, must have eaten at least 45 kalamata olives! The family was Greek and had quite the spread! 😂😂😂
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You’ve been to our house?! I didn’t notice, but you obviously have! This could be us, apart from the olives
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Wow! Olives aside, WOW! Sorry this took so long, I had to free you from spam! Thanks so much for your comments! xoxoxo
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LOL Every parent can relate to this list!
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😘😑💕
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🙂
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Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
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Sounds like a lot of pen on your table!! We have the same problem!! Thanks for sharing with us at #FabFridayPost
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You bet! I am upset I missed a week in there! #fabfridaypost
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OMG! Your crazy home is just like a blue print of our crazy home! lol! Thanks Lisa. #FabFridayPost
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Life with kids! 😂😂😂 #fabfridaypost
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Ohh I remember those days and have said a lot of the things on your list too. What is it with kids sticking their feet all over the walls???
#dreamteam
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I have no idea Tracey, but it drives me nuts seeing dirty footprints 👣 everywhere! 😂😂😂😂 #dreamteam
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Yes I can definitely relate to a lot of this! #kcacols
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I am literally 66 and 71 on repeat most days haha. This is brilliant really made me laugh! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
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I am happy you were laughing! We are all in this together! 😂😂😂💕
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I spend a lot of my time trying to explain to my son that he shouldn’t be randomly licking things. #kcacols
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This drives me nuts!!! And, I guess I am. It alone. #kcacols 😎
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Thank you Ron! We leave Thursday am! 😎😘
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Haha this is so funny Lisa. My daughter has a thing about licking everything at the moment too. No matter how many times I ask her to stop she doesn’t. No wonder she always has a cold! #TriumphantTales
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Yesterday she licked the handle of the slide into the 🏊 pool. Help me!!!! #triumphanttales 😛
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I was literally yelling at mine about playing ball in the house as I was reading these! #triumphanttales
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Perfection and priceless Jeremy! #triumphanttales 😎
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Oh yes, teeth brushing time in our house often turns into an ‘occasion’ too! I’m not sure when you have your school holidays but ours are about to starts… along with the deep breathing!! Thanks so much for linking up to #HIghlightsofHappy againa Lisa.
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We are on a beach holiday now and in the morning, the brushes stay dry! Ugh! At night, we talk about my grandmothers teeth in a jar by the sink! Oy! Ty Carol! 😁😂 #highlightsofhappy
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I love the heat also. I think we all say crazy things. Funny stuff
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Thank you lovely! ☀️✨☀️💫
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This is fantastic!!! I am saying lots of these frequently and our summer hols haven’t even started yet. It is exhausting! Right now I can hear them fighting in another room but am trying to ignore them! Thanks for linking up with us this week. #bigpinklink
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Oh no! It’s universal! We are at the beach now with family and their kids are the same!! Oy vey! #bigpinklink 😎
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Oh Lisa, I think this is 3rd or 4th time I’ve read this and it just keeps getting better (today I dropped by from #Blogcrush and as soon as I read it again I thought, yup, if this wasn’t already here, this post would be my #Blogcrush). This is a delight and had me snorting (unladylike, but well-deserved for this), luckily I wasn’t drinking anything when reading it, that could have been messy…You give good laughs, my friend. And yes, I always want cake…I’d been in a coma and still want cake. lol 😉
Off to share (again) and ok, you got me, I’m reading it again.
Hope this weekend treats you kindly. Can’t wait to see what else you’ll say this summer. 😉
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Hi Donna! Thank you, for your kind words! I am at my happiest making people laugh! And coming from you, who constantly amazes and cracks me up! Wow. #BlogCrush You have a great weekend too! 😘
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I think I’ve said a few of these of myself! Our mains ones are usually, not to lean back in the dining room chairs, to stop arguing and telling on each other and to just be nice to each other! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky
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On a family vacation and they are being absolutely wonderful, still deaf to our voices though! Thank you, Emily! #thatfridaylinky
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It’s 96 F in my yard right now, and it’s only noonish. Means it’ll crack 100 for sure. Ugh. BUT reading your post has set the tone for my day. I am not a parent of human children; none-the-less, I laughed over and over here. I *am* the Human Mom of four-legged monsters, and in fact this so nicely echoed the sort of running commentary that I have with them… (“When I say no licking, that includes the refrigerator door handle”…. hahahaha!)… at least your two-leggers have a chance of actually understanding what you say. Eventually. If they ever listen.
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Oh, we a furry four legged boy that gets an entire set for himself! Thanks for reading! 😘💕
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I’m amazed at how much licking is involved here!!! haha. love the telling off about putting the helmet on Gatsby, but pearls are fine! =] Im sure you’ll be bald by the end of the summer with all the stress haha
Thank you for sharing this with at #TriumphantTales, I hope to see you back on Tuesday.
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Thank you Lianne! #triumphanttales lots of material this week!😂😂😂
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My mantra seems to be “put some clothes on”. It’s all well and good running around the house naked, but today we went swimming and the toddler had a major tantrum because he didn’t want to wear his swim shorts! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
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We are on a holiday now and there is slot of that going around here! Thanks, Claire! #fridayfrolics
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We just got back from a week away and I have a new list of doozies! Also, so many blogs to read and topics to tackle… Where to begin! Thanks Claire! #FridayFrolics xoxo
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Ahahaha, I can relate to all of these. Especially the asking for a hug and then getting licked. What is that all about? Brilliant post 🙂 #FridayFrolics
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I have no idea, and it is still happening. I have decided to not comment any further so as not to propagate this creepy behavior. I’ll let you know how long that lasts and if it even works… Now, time to catch up after a week away. So many topics to tackle, blogs to read! Thank you lovely! #FridayFrolics xoxo
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Hahaha we are about to start the summer holidays and I can definitely see some of these cropping up! Icecream is also my guilty pleasure once the kids are in bed! Om nom nom! #blogcrush
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Me too! Only now, I am so exhausted, I fall asleep with them! Oy vey! I love summer though, and I always will. We just got back from a weeklong holiday and I have so much catching up to do and so many topics to tackle! Oy! #BlogCrush xoxo
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Haha! We are only 3 days into the summer break thus far, and I think I have already done half of these. It’s going well. Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics
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Oh, I have some new doozies after a weeklong holiday! Hope you are enjoying every minute! I have so much to catch up on! #FridayFrolics xoxo
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Hehe! This made me chuckle. We are only just starting our summer but already I have said too many of these including stay in the bathroom whilst you brush your teeth… But that is a daily thing!!
#BigPinkLink
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Oh the joys we all have! I’m trying to let it roll off me and laugh more. It’s better for all of us! 😂😂😂 #BigPinkLink
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Oh my life, it’s such a frustrating circus isn’t it?!! I was nodding along, going ‘yep, yep, oooh, I’m soooo with you..!’ We have the same licking issue too-‘don’t lick the shoes/toilet seat/bin/windows/your brothers bottom??!’ My eldest is going to school in September, and I think I’m the only one not crying about their child starting school-I can’t wait for it to halve the nagging I have to do!!!!
#bigpinklink
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Yesterday I found out my little has licked Gatsby, our dog, and he is salty! What to do??? I asked her why she would lick him, he’s furry after all? She said my Big, she dated her to! 😛😝😜😋 #bigpinklink
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Ha ha, love this. I’ve probably said a fair few of these myself, my youngest seems to have a strange obsession with licking too x
#Bigpinklink
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What’s up with the licking? It may be rampant amongst littles! Forget worrying about choking-it’s what disgusting germ will be imbibed! Oy! #bigpinklink 😘💕
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Oh my goodness! I can so relate to so many of these! And I suspect my kids are a lot older than yours. Sigh!
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Mine are 6 and 9, and I already have another 101 things I’ve shockingly said! Kids really are silly! Thank you, Sarah for stopping by! xoxo
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