Aside

101 things I can’t believe I have already said this summer

The summer sizzle, she has started! When I saw the temps hit 101, oy vey iz mir (oh em gee), I had to document it for you all to see. Me, I like the heat. You will not get a complaint from me from heat and humidity… cold, that’s another story altogether. And in the heat, we get a bissel meshugeneh ( a little bit crazy). It’s hard to believe the things that have come from my mouth, in these short, early days of summer.

  1. Absolutely no licking your sister or Gatsby — in fact, you really should not ‘lick’ anyone at all
  2. How many times do I need to tell you both that your feet should not be on the walls?
  3. There footprints on the walls in every damned room in this crap apartment
  4. Talk with your big girl voice
  5. No dribbling in the house, we have neighbors to consider
  6. Please, just roll the ball
  7. Do you want me to bring the ball downstairs and give it away?
  8. I do not think you should have a jar of Kalamata olives for breakfast
  9. Step away from the Kalamata olives
  10. What is the one rule we have in this family? That’s right, be kind.
  11. Really, you are slowly killing me Was (insert kicking, throwing, not sharing, yelling, ignoring, having a tantrum) that behavior kind?
  12. Can you try using your utensils during meals?
  13. Today, I am not going to mention anything about using utensils
  14. Can we try to have just one meal, where everyone stays at the table, in their seats, the whole meal, utensils or not
  15. Do you even hear my effing voice when I speak?
  16. Just fuc*ing answer me I know you heard me speak, so can you just fuc*ing answer me kindly respond?
  17. Do you know what it feels like to be ignored?
  18. R-E-S-P-O-N-D-!
  19. You do not need to cry, just answer so I don’t go batshit crazy and start throwing things
  20. My girls, if being tired were a valid excuse for making bad choices, mommy and Ema would be miserable asshats grumpy and unkind all of the time
  21. Why are you frustrated, honey? kill me, or stick a hot poker in my eye
  22. Who used magic markers on this white table What is the definition of mental illness?
  23. Honey, please put something underneath your paper when you draw or color
  24. Why is the table purple and blue?
  25. Please think your answer through before you speak — lying is not kind
  26. Well, then who colored on the table?
  27. Who remembers what mommy and Ema say about licking? (please note: she just licked the soy sauce bottle on the table at the Chinese restaurant I am completely useless
  28. Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
  29. Little, please leave Gatsby’s teeth alone — he is trying to sleep
  30. If he’s growling at you do you want him to go all Cujo on you, what is he trying to tell you, honey?
  31. I don’t think Gatsby want’s to wear your bike helmet right now sweetheart – maybe just the pearls
  32. Has anyone brushed their teeth today because these toothbrushes are bone dry, and your breath reeks of hummus?
  33. Yes, you have to brush the wiggly-giggly teeth or the tooth fairy will not visit for a couple of nasty, food covered, smelly, grungy teeth, blech!
  34. Can you both try to stay in the bathroom while you brush your teeth
  35. Girls, should we be walking around the apartment while brushing our teeth?
  36. Please turn off the water while you brush your teeth
  37. What does mommy say every time about conserving water for the planet, girls
  38. Look how Jesus H. Christ hard you are running the water
  39. Do you want your children to have water (yes, I did go there) to brush their teeth?
  40. Big, brush longer — sing an entire Adele song in your head
  41. Little, enough brushing already!
  42. You really only need to spit once or twice when rinsing
  43. I counted 17 rinse/spits — toothbrush down — step away from the sink
  44. Why is there a crap load of toothpaste on the floor each and every damned day of my life
  45. Let’s put on some sunscreen girls
  46. It’s time for more sunscreen girls – because we want to protect you
  47. Why are you standing in the refrigerator?
  48. Please, girls, do not drink your water with the refrigerator door open
  49. Your glass of water will not get hot if you keep it by your side during dinner
  50. What does mommy say shut the damned fridge door already about conserving energy for the planet earth?
  51. Do not drink your water like Gatsby would, honey, you have opposable thumbs for a reason
  52. (Epic spill) Oy, it’s only water — grab a towel
  53. Be nice to each other, you are shvesters (sisters)
  54. Do you know how lucky you are to be shvesters?
  55. After cleaning every damned pot, pan and dish in the kitchen How on earth can you be huuuuuunnngry?
  56. Why do you say that like you’re about to cry? Say it normally, in your big girl voice
  57. Drink a glass of water and let’s check back in together, in 20 minutes or so
  58. Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
  59. What did I say about drinking your water with the refrigerator door open?
  60. Nope, it hasn’t been 20 minutes yet
  61. When I say no licking, that includes the refrigerator door handle someone, save me
  62. Okay, but think about what you want BEFORE you open the door of the refrigerator
  63. Fine, have some olives — yup, as many as you like
  64. No, you cannot eat them on the sofa
  65. Because we eat food at the table
  66. Because I SAID SO (yep, I said that too)
  67. Gesundheit! sneezed into my f*cking mouth — ugh! Sneeze into your elbow, please sweetie
  68. Uh-oh, cough germ warfare game on into your elbow too, honey
  69. Please don’t pick your nose
  70. Even when you turn away, mommy can tell that you are picking your nose
  71. Because I can
  72. Now, go wash your hands so we all don’t get sick
  73. STOP! Should you be jumping on the sofa especially when we have a f*cking trampoline in the living room?
  74. Does this look like the playground (well, minus the trampoline – apartment life)?
  75. Get on the trampoline girls and jump some of that energy out
  76. Okay, then read, color, call Nona,  split the atom, cure cancer, write letters to Sen. Toomey or put on a show for us
  77. Yes, we will put our phones down when we watch your show — now go and practice in your room
  78. We were just talking while you both were rehearsing – remember how we talked about how sometimes, mommy and Ema, we need time to talk to each other?
  79. Grown up stuff
  80. Why are you standing on the sofa?
  81. Okay, let’s just think before we jump on someone without them expecting it
  82. Oh for f*cks sake Ema, are you okay?
  83. PLEASE! breathe Kindness includes not jumping or ramming into each other or us
  84. Maybe I am the one who is batshit bonkers and no noise at all comes out of my mouth Does anyone in this house HEAR ME when I SPEAK?
  85. Quiet, happy place Quiet, happy place (repeat over and over in hopes of finding a quiet, happy place)
  86. Yes it is the weekend
  87. No sweethearts, mommy stays home today! It’s a family day!
  88. Maybe we can get ice cream today
  89. Not really, most of the time ‘maybe’ means ‘yes’ because mommy and Ema crave ice cream nightly, it is our equivalent of a nice bottle of red
  90. Let’s walk Gatsby, you can bring your scooters
  91. Of course, you have to wear your helmets
  92. Yes, you need more sunscreen – that was hours ago
  93. Because it is mommy and Ema’s job to take good care of you
  94. Everybody, please pee before we go
  95. It will be a nice walk, I don’t know how long
  96. Are you really going to scooter in those gladiator boots I’m meshuggeneh (crazy)?
  97. Come here girls, give me a big hug
  98. Ewwww! Did you just LICK my underarm?
  99. Ema, text me when we can should come back!
  100. Take all the time you need, honey
  101. I love you all to the moon and back, to infinity!

She (and by she, I mean me) should go crazy and run around through the streets. Zi shoudl geyn mshuge aun loyfn arum dirk di gasn.

      

      

    

 

56 thoughts on “101 things I can’t believe I have already said this summer

  1. Ohh I remember those days and have said a lot of the things on your list too. What is it with kids sticking their feet all over the walls???
    #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha this is so funny Lisa. My daughter has a thing about licking everything at the moment too. No matter how many times I ask her to stop she doesn’t. No wonder she always has a cold! #TriumphantTales

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh yes, teeth brushing time in our house often turns into an ‘occasion’ too! I’m not sure when you have your school holidays but ours are about to starts… along with the deep breathing!! Thanks so much for linking up to #HIghlightsofHappy againa Lisa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are on a beach holiday now and in the morning, the brushes stay dry! Ugh! At night, we talk about my grandmothers teeth in a jar by the sink! Oy! Ty Carol! 😁😂 #highlightsofhappy

      Like

  4. This is fantastic!!! I am saying lots of these frequently and our summer hols haven’t even started yet. It is exhausting! Right now I can hear them fighting in another room but am trying to ignore them! Thanks for linking up with us this week. #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Lisa, I think this is 3rd or 4th time I’ve read this and it just keeps getting better (today I dropped by from #Blogcrush and as soon as I read it again I thought, yup, if this wasn’t already here, this post would be my #Blogcrush). This is a delight and had me snorting (unladylike, but well-deserved for this), luckily I wasn’t drinking anything when reading it, that could have been messy…You give good laughs, my friend. And yes, I always want cake…I’d been in a coma and still want cake. lol 😉
    Off to share (again) and ok, you got me, I’m reading it again.
    Hope this weekend treats you kindly. Can’t wait to see what else you’ll say this summer. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Donna! Thank you, for your kind words! I am at my happiest making people laugh! And coming from you, who constantly amazes and cracks me up! Wow. #BlogCrush You have a great weekend too! 😘

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  6. I think I’ve said a few of these of myself! Our mains ones are usually, not to lean back in the dining room chairs, to stop arguing and telling on each other and to just be nice to each other! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s 96 F in my yard right now, and it’s only noonish. Means it’ll crack 100 for sure. Ugh. BUT reading your post has set the tone for my day. I am not a parent of human children; none-the-less, I laughed over and over here. I *am* the Human Mom of four-legged monsters, and in fact this so nicely echoed the sort of running commentary that I have with them… (“When I say no licking, that includes the refrigerator door handle”…. hahahaha!)… at least your two-leggers have a chance of actually understanding what you say. Eventually. If they ever listen.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m amazed at how much licking is involved here!!! haha. love the telling off about putting the helmet on Gatsby, but pearls are fine! =] Im sure you’ll be bald by the end of the summer with all the stress haha
    Thank you for sharing this with at #TriumphantTales, I hope to see you back on Tuesday.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My mantra seems to be “put some clothes on”. It’s all well and good running around the house naked, but today we went swimming and the toddler had a major tantrum because he didn’t want to wear his swim shorts! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have no idea, and it is still happening. I have decided to not comment any further so as not to propagate this creepy behavior. I’ll let you know how long that lasts and if it even works… Now, time to catch up after a week away. So many topics to tackle, blogs to read! Thank you lovely! #FridayFrolics xoxo

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  10. Hahaha we are about to start the summer holidays and I can definitely see some of these cropping up! Icecream is also my guilty pleasure once the kids are in bed! Om nom nom! #blogcrush

    Like

    1. Me too! Only now, I am so exhausted, I fall asleep with them! Oy vey! I love summer though, and I always will. We just got back from a weeklong holiday and I have so much catching up to do and so many topics to tackle! Oy! #BlogCrush xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hehe! This made me chuckle. We are only just starting our summer but already I have said too many of these including stay in the bathroom whilst you brush your teeth… But that is a daily thing!!
    #BigPinkLink

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh my life, it’s such a frustrating circus isn’t it?!! I was nodding along, going ‘yep, yep, oooh, I’m soooo with you..!’ We have the same licking issue too-‘don’t lick the shoes/toilet seat/bin/windows/your brothers bottom??!’ My eldest is going to school in September, and I think I’m the only one not crying about their child starting school-I can’t wait for it to halve the nagging I have to do!!!!
    #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yesterday I found out my little has licked Gatsby, our dog, and he is salty! What to do??? I asked her why she would lick him, he’s furry after all? She said my Big, she dated her to! 😛😝😜😋 #bigpinklink

      Liked by 1 person

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