My Little (bottom left of the picture), she’s got herself some pipes, alright. Girlfriend can scream. She can shriek so much better than like Jamie Lee Curtis (nicknamed, the Queen of Scream) in any of the Halloween movies… It’s as if she is channeling some kind inner demon, that can reverberate at only the loudest volume. It starts from the tip of her toes and amplifies at the top of her lungs, barking, bellowing, clamoring … And yes, there are biting bouts of bonelessness, punching, and kicking that add to the happening that is a Little tantrum. Dear neighbors on all sides, above, and below, please accept my apologies for the ongoing mellifluous Mayday moments that travel freely through our thin walls. It’s no doubt, meshuggeneh (crazy) in here at times.
But there is a bigger problem that rocks me to my very core. Me and my Mrs., we do not know why our caged bird sings… Sure, there is a mishmash of anger, sadness, drama, fear, stress, exhaustion, hunger, and irrationality that we all experience every day since mr t took office from time to time. But she’s seven. How bad is life when you are seven? What kind of tsuris (trouble), plagues and misfortunes are stirring in the mind of my shana maideleh (sweet little girl)? Do I seek an exorcist so that Mrs., Big and I don’t get evicted completely bleed out from our eardrums? We are shreknt (frightened, terrorized).
There is no question that when my kinder (children) hurt, I hurt. You see, as I am certain you wise caregivers already know, this special performance nearby residents aside is saved only for us, her mishpocheh (family). Yes, we are safe enough to go all batsh*t cray-cray on to let your hair down. But it is a real shondah (shame) that we can’t crack this nut code and offer solace to my maidel (cutie-pie).
What is wrong? What happened? Are you angry honey? I don’t know. What happened honey? I don’t know. Little, can you stop screaming? I don’t know. Sweetie, please listen to mommy. No response. Did somebody hurt you? No. Did somebody hurt your feelings? I dunno? Are you sick, wounded, have we somehow scarred you for life tired, shaken, scared, hungry?
IWANTCHINESEFOODANDWEAREN’THAVINGCHINESEFOODSOIAMNEVEREATINGAGAINANDWILLFINDAWAYTOGETMYOWNCHINESEFOODANDYOUCANTHAVEANYBECAUSEIWON’TSHAREANDIDON’TWANNATAKEASHOWERORPUTONMYPAJAMASBECAUSEIWANTCHINESEFOODNOWNOTTOMORROWORNEXTWEEKENDANDISOMEHOWBELIEVETHATYOUDONTLOVEMEBECAUSEIDONTSEEANYCHINESETAKEOUTANYWHEREANDITHINKWESHOULDHAVEICECREAMEVERYDAYISTHATSOWRONGICECREAMEVERYDAY?ANDCHINESEFOOD!
Okay, sweetie. Come with me so I can leave the room and not lose my sht all over this place we can talk more privately. You are right. We are not having Chinese food tonight. I am sorry that makes you mad and sad. And, this behavior is not okay actually it is quite impressive. If you think that acting this way will get you an Oscar or an Emmy a trip to the Chinese Restaurant, you are indeed batsht cray-cray incorrect. Now, are you really throwing a fit over Chinese food? Please know you can tell mommy or Ema absolutely anything in the world about anything and everything, and we will always love you. Always! If I could crawl inside you and see what it feels like to be my Little right now, I would. I want to help you. And you cannot act this way. Okay? Okay, mommy. I’m sorry.
Take some deep elevator breaths and calm down. ( I do them too.) Good. Now Little, is this behavior you are sharing a good choice? No mommy. Is this behavior showing kindness to your family or community? No mommy. What is the one rule we have in our family? Be kind, mommy. Can we leave the bathroom where I am doing everything humanly possible to not go all meshuggeneh and scream louder than you and Jamie Lee Curtis combined go into the living room with everyone else and be kind now? Yes, mommy.
BIGTOUCHEDMYLEGONACCIDENTANDTHENITHOUGHTIWASGOINGTOFALL BUTIDIDNTANDIREALLYTHOUGHTIWASSOISTOPPEDMYSELFFROMFALLINGANDTHENICRASHEDINTOTHEWALLWITHMYELBOWANDTHATREALLYHURT ANDITHOUGHTIWASGOINGTOSEENONATODAYANDTHENYOUSAIDWEARE NOTANDIREALLYWANTTOSEENONAESPECIALLYBECAUSEMYELBOWHURTS SOMUCHANDNONALOVESUSANDGIVESUSTREATSANDITALLSTARTEDWHEN BIGTOUCHEDMEONACCIDENTANDWEDIDNTHAVEANYCHINESEFOODTHE OTHERNIGHTANDNOWITHINKWEMAYNEVERHAVECHINESEFOODEVERAGAINANDTHATSALLIREALLYWANTANDIMTIREDANDNOBODYLOVESMEWHENI SCREAMANDYELLANDKICKLIKETHISWHYDONTYOUJUSTGIVEINLIKEI PLANNEDITHOUGHIWOULDWINBYNOWSOIMGONNAKEEPYELLINGANDGO BONELESSANDBROOKETHENEIGHBORTHATLIVESDOWNSTAIRSCANHITTHE CEILINGALLNIGHTBECAUSEIMNOTSTOPPING!
Consequences for such a performance? No TV. No iPad. No allowance. No play date. Obviously, no Chinese food. No solutions. Nothing works or phases my Little. Oh, she is a strong woman in the making! Somebody, help me?
Enter bathroom scene. Repeat. Oh, how I love this kid of mine!
Yiddish proverb:
If you have nothing to lose, you can try everything. Aoyb ir hot gornisht tsu farlim, ir kenen prubirn alts.
Oy vey. I’m a non-parent, so anything I say should be taken with a cup or two of salt. All I can do is pass on the advice my partner used to give when she was still working as a family therapist: When a kid throws a tantrum, make sure she’s safe and if she is, then ignore her. Tantrums need the oxygen of attention.
I’m impressed with how lovingly you’re tearing your hair out over this.
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Thank you Ellen! And thank your partner too! That is sage advice and I will take it! 😘
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I actually love this, sorry, but my little girl is the same. Strong-willed, determined and so loud at all the wrong times. Sending cake and hugs xx #mondaystumble
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Oh, you are too sweet! I love and accept cake and hugs! M’wah! Perhaps a play date is in order! xoxo #mondaystumble
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Just keep going Hun. You are amazing and lovely and strong as your beautiful and LOUD daughter is. Big hugs. Thank you for linking up to #PointShoot 📸
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Thank you, Catie! You are too kind! Mwah! #pointshoot
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This is so obviously an attention-getting technique on her part! I would suggest making little timed deals with positive reinforcement attached, i.e. instead of “no this” and “no that” as a negative consequence, catch her in a calm moment, make a chart together, and commit yourselves to “epes” (whatever you think she is interested in, but don’t sell it too cheap!) for one hour of whispering. It could be a star or a smiley on a chart, adding up to that “epes” at the end of the day. Note, that behavioral goals MUST be stated in positive terms, i.e. rather than “DON’T SCREAM” – DO whisper. It wouldn’t hurt to engage her Big sister in a whispering game. Once you accomplish 21 consecutive days of NO SCREAMING WHATSOEVER, you should celebrate her achievement.
Good luck – b’Hatzlocho!
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My friend! I always whisper when I need attention of the madelehs! It works do much better. I very rarely scream, let alone raise my voice. I love the idea of 21 days. I also love to catch them doing something right or kind-I do that quite often at home and work. Thank you for your help! B’gzint 😘
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And you just gave me another piece of the puzzle: you whisper, therefore she screams! 21 days is research-based and proven methodology, but the token economy (the chart with rewards) must be consistent. She is entering the “envelope pushing” age, i.e. she’ll be trying to see how far it will go, but the good news is that this age is extremely bribable. Pardon me, the professional term is “responsive to positive reinforcement.”
Zeit mir gezint!
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😘🤗😘
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Thank goodness you have humour to keep you sane X #pointshoot
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Most often, it is my go-to way of coping! Thanks, lovely! xoxo #pointshoot
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Hopefully it is just a phase and it will stop as quickly as it started. All you can do is be there when she needs you x
#TriumphantTales
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Well, at least I’m doing that! 😘 #triumphanttales
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I hope she carries this ability to be heard throughout her adulthood, albeit in a more moderated volume 😉
#fortheloveofBLOG
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Amen, sister! 🤗😂🤗 #fortheloveofBLOG
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The most trying children make the most interesting adults. She is going to be fascinating:).
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That is a fabulous response, I will treasure it! 😂😘😂💕✨
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How patient Lisa! My toddler is in this ego-phase where a NO it’s not an easy option to accept. But we will make it out
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At times, not so much! 😂😂😂
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I’m in the midst of the early stages of tantrums with my 2-year-old and I have to admit I’m really struggling. Rather than get worked up alongside him, I make sure he’s physically safe and leave him to vent for a good five minutes. Once I’ve cooled down (while looking after my 8-month-old) I approach him and ask him if he’s ready to come out of his ‘alone time’. This works well for us, and I understand it’s not going to work for all. It’s about finding what works best for you and importantly your daughter. It’s a tough one and I bid you good luck. #ablogginggoodtime
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Thank you ☺️ lovely! We are doing a bit better. Staying calm and hopefully landing in a better place for all. Good luck to you as well 😘 #ablogginggoodtime
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Rather you than me is all I can say! #familyfunlinky
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Oh but part of me adores this strong nature! Although probably because I’m not dealing with it, right?! I hope it passes for you soon and you all find a way to communicate! Thank you for linking this to #DreamTeam!
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You know, I’m thinking of it differently, shifting my mindset if you will, with all this positive thoughts and responses! Thank you! 💕✨ #dreamteam
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AHHH I just wrote this massive comment and went to post and my internet crashed, now I want to scream. Basically I was saying I find it hard between finding the balance of raising strong women with voices I do not want to squash, and also teaching them to survive in a society of rules and proper etiquette. I say look after yourself, times like these can exhaust us, I am glad she is understanding that her behaviour won’t get her what she wants, it is a confusing time for them at that age. Go easy on yourself and just love her through it as of course you are doing. Trust me they get there in the end, I mean mine are still testing me at 13, 10 and 8 but it gets easier in terms of tantrums, although ask me when my girls are 16 and I may say different lol #mg
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Thank you Mac, for you beautiful words of wisdom. I’ll ride the wave 🌊✨💕😘 #mg
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Coming back from #ExplorerKids
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Thank you lovely 😊
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Your little sounds a lot like my little. She’s had an impressive scream on her from the day she was born and the tantrums that girl can throw are beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve found that if I can’t calm her down within the first minute then nothing I say or do will help so ignore her and tell her to come talk to me when she’s ready. Eventually she’ll stop and come for a cuddle and most of the time she can’t even remeber why she was crying in the first place. She’s only three mind you, so what works for her may not work your little. At least they will be pretty formidable women when they grow up 😬
Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x
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Wow! I hope you are right, about the formidable women, just peaking a bit early! 😂😂😂 #familyfunlinky
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My daughter is 9 and she still has those epic tantrums. Most of the time she kicks off when she’s tired and/or hungry, so we try and fix that first. But the irrational demands (I want this and I want it NOW!) drive me up the wall. How I admire your calm and loving ways through those storms!
#ExplorerKids
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What I realized is acting nuts and getting loud just fuels the fire. Let’s hope both of our girls grow up strong and with a voice! #explorerkids x
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Let’s hope she is heard thought out life and she will be sure to succeed great read Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
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Thank you Nige! I agree, and it is my pleasure to link up. ✨💕
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Oh I have one with pipes too. She’s 11 now and she can still scream and shout like crazy. Sarah #ExplorerKids
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My Big, used to scream so much when she was little(er), she had growths on her vocal chords. She sounded like Bonnie Raitt at 3! Luckily she was able to control it…so she still has a voice! Thanks, Sarah! #Explorerkids xoxo
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To be fair, I’d throw a tantrum if I couldnt eat chinese also!!! Perhaps me and your little one are kindred spirits hahaha!
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back again tomorrow!
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I bet you two are! She did get her Chinese food, a week later! I almost had a tantrum because no Chinese food means no ice cream! Argh! #TriumphantTales xoxo
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Hoping it’s just a phase as my little girl does this too! I think it’s a girl thing actually because my baby joins in with the screaming as well. Glad it’s not just my kids who are torturing my eardrums x #fortheloveofBLOG
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Oh, if I don;t pop an ear drum soon, it will be a neighbor! Hah! Thanks, and good luck! #fortheloveofBLOG xoxo
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I admire you staying so calm. It’s so easy to crack with the noise. My little is 2.5 and very much finding her voice. She saves the big pipes for extreme situations, but the rest of the time, she doesn’t stop talking. Not sure how I birthed a talker when I’m not that big on it myself. Good luck with your little, I think you’re doing wonderfully, and after consistently not getting what she wants from the tantrum , it will eventually subside ❤ #BlogCrush
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Thank you Alice. We are doing better! Hope you have a fabulous Thanksgiving! #blogcrush 😘
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Yes I have 3 little strong people in the making here too! They have such big emotions and sometimes I’m not sure why but there is certainly a rawness to how they experience life and they certainly let me (and the rest of the street!!!) know it. xx #thesatsesh
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That is so true, Hayley! Expressing emotion is so important… I have to know there is no right way or wrong way to do it. Just that there are ways that are easier on the eardrums! Hope your weekend is a good one! xoxo #thesatsesh
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When my 6 year old blows, she really goes bonkers! It always seems to be either due to tiredness or just being totally overwhelmed by her emotions and nothing calms her down. I just ensure she has space to go nuts! You’ve got to laugh otherwise you would most definitely cry! Good luck!! #KCACOLS
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Thank you, Kate! You too! 😂💕❤️ #kcacols
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This sounds like my little girl, she has an impressive scream on her. I’ve been told it doesn’t get better. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
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Thank you Kelly Anne, I hope too! Watch those pipes on your little! 😂😂😂 #kcacols 😘✨
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Ouchies. I don’t think I can offer any advice. Just talk it out. And when talking seems to make it worse, give her space. I do that with my three year old and then when he’s had some time we talk again and cuddle if he’s ready. I know there’s a big difference between 3 and 7 years olds though. Hope you get some calm resolve.
I like the idea that some promote that we shouldn’t try to stifle determined and strong willed little minds. It’s so hard to find a balance between harnessing their personality and teaching them acceptable and respectful behaviour.
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She is one strong-willed little alright! And we do not want to stifle, only to understand and give her the tools to express herself in ways that could help her and help us to help her. We are all a work in progress, eh? Ty lovely! 😘✨
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Oh poo. I forgot #KCACOLS
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Mine is so stubborn right now. He also shrieks like a pterodactyl. I wish I could figure out whats going on in his head. #kcacols
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The stress of the Little’s! If they only knew! #kcacols 😘✨
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