Oh, she’s got pipes

My Little (bottom left of the picture), she’s got herself some pipes, alright. Girlfriend can scream. She can shriek so much better than like Jamie Lee Curtis (nicknamed, the Queen of Scream) in any of the Halloween movies… It’s as if she is channeling some kind inner demon, that can reverberate at only the loudest volume. It starts from the tip of her toes and amplifies at the top of her lungs, barking, bellowing, clamoring … And yes, there are biting bouts of bonelessness, punching, and kicking that add to the happening that is a Little tantrum. Dear neighbors on all sides, above, and below, please accept my apologies for the ongoing mellifluous Mayday moments that travel freely through our thin walls. It’s no doubt, meshuggeneh (crazy) in here at times.

But there is a bigger problem that rocks me to my very core. Me and my Mrs., we do not know why our caged bird sings… Sure, there is a mishmash of anger, sadness, drama, fear, stress, exhaustion, hunger, and irrationality that we all experience every day since mr t took office from time to time. But she’s seven. How bad is life when you are seven? What kind of tsuris (trouble), plagues and misfortunes are stirring in the mind of my shana maideleh (sweet little girl)? Do I seek an exorcist so that Mrs., Big and I don’t get evicted completely bleed out from our eardrums? We are shreknt (frightened, terrorized).

There is no question that when my kinder (children) hurt, I hurt. You see, as I am certain you wise caregivers already know, this special performance nearby residents aside is saved only for us, her mishpocheh (family). Yes, we are safe enough to go all batsh*t cray-cray on to let your hair down. But it is a real shondah (shame) that we can’t crack this nut code and offer solace to my maidel (cutie-pie)

What is wrong? What happened? Are you angry honey? I don’t know. What happened honey? I don’t know. Little, can you stop screaming? I don’t know. Sweetie, please listen to mommy. No response. Did somebody hurt you? No. Did somebody hurt your feelings? I dunno? Are you sick, wounded, have we somehow scarred you for life tired, shaken, scared, hungry?

IWANTCHINESEFOODANDWEAREN’THAVINGCHINESEFOODSOIAMNEVEREATINGAGAINANDWILLFINDAWAYTOGETMYOWNCHINESEFOODANDYOUCANTHAVEANYBECAUSEIWON’TSHAREANDIDON’TWANNATAKEASHOWERORPUTONMYPAJAMASBECAUSEIWANTCHINESEFOODNOWNOTTOMORROWORNEXTWEEKENDANDISOMEHOWBELIEVETHATYOUDONTLOVEMEBECAUSEIDONTSEEANYCHINESETAKEOUTANYWHEREANDITHINKWESHOULDHAVEICECREAMEVERYDAYISTHATSOWRONGICECREAMEVERYDAY?ANDCHINESEFOOD!

Okay, sweetie. Come with me so I can leave the room and not lose my sht all over this place we can talk more privately. You are right. We are not having Chinese food tonight. I am sorry that makes you mad and sad. And, this behavior is not okay actually it is quite impressive. If you think that acting this way will get you an Oscar or an Emmy a trip to the Chinese Restaurant, you are indeed batsht cray-cray incorrect. Now, are you really throwing a fit over Chinese food? Please know you can tell mommy or Ema absolutely anything in the world about anything and everything, and we will always love you. Always! If I could crawl inside you and see what it feels like to be my Little right now, I would. I want to help you. And you cannot act this way. Okay? Okay, mommy. I’m sorry.

Take some deep elevator breaths and calm down. ( I do them too.) Good. Now Little, is this behavior you are sharing a good choice? No mommy. Is this behavior showing kindness to your family or community?  No mommy. What is the one rule we have in our family? Be kind, mommy. Can we leave the bathroom where I am doing everything humanly possible to not go all meshuggeneh and scream louder than you and Jamie Lee Curtis combined go into the living room with everyone else and be kind now? Yes, mommy

BIGTOUCHEDMYLEGONACCIDENTANDTHENITHOUGHTIWASGOINGTOFALL BUTIDIDNTANDIREALLYTHOUGHTIWASSOISTOPPEDMYSELFFROMFALLINGANDTHENICRASHEDINTOTHEWALLWITHMYELBOWANDTHATREALLYHURT ANDITHOUGHTIWASGOINGTOSEENONATODAYANDTHENYOUSAIDWEARE NOTANDIREALLYWANTTOSEENONAESPECIALLYBECAUSEMYELBOWHURTS SOMUCHANDNONALOVESUSANDGIVESUSTREATSANDITALLSTARTEDWHEN BIGTOUCHEDMEONACCIDENTANDWEDIDNTHAVEANYCHINESEFOODTHE OTHERNIGHTANDNOWITHINKWEMAYNEVERHAVECHINESEFOODEVERAGAINANDTHATSALLIREALLYWANTANDIMTIREDANDNOBODYLOVESMEWHENI SCREAMANDYELLANDKICKLIKETHISWHYDONTYOUJUSTGIVEINLIKEI PLANNEDITHOUGHIWOULDWINBYNOWSOIMGONNAKEEPYELLINGANDGO BONELESSANDBROOKETHENEIGHBORTHATLIVESDOWNSTAIRSCANHITTHE CEILINGALLNIGHTBECAUSEIMNOTSTOPPING!

Consequences for such a performance? No TV. No iPad. No allowance. No play date. Obviously, no Chinese food. No solutions. Nothing works or phases my Little. Oh, she is a strong woman in the making! Somebody, help me?

Enter bathroom scene. Repeat. Oh, how I love this kid of mine!

Yiddish proverb:

If you have nothing to lose, you can try everything. Aoyb ir hot gornisht tsu farlim, ir kenen prubirn alts.

      

      

      

    

43 thoughts on “Oh, she’s got pipes

  1. Oy vey. I’m a non-parent, so anything I say should be taken with a cup or two of salt. All I can do is pass on the advice my partner used to give when she was still working as a family therapist: When a kid throws a tantrum, make sure she’s safe and if she is, then ignore her. Tantrums need the oxygen of attention.

    I’m impressed with how lovingly you’re tearing your hair out over this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so obviously an attention-getting technique on her part! I would suggest making little timed deals with positive reinforcement attached, i.e. instead of “no this” and “no that” as a negative consequence, catch her in a calm moment, make a chart together, and commit yourselves to “epes” (whatever you think she is interested in, but don’t sell it too cheap!) for one hour of whispering. It could be a star or a smiley on a chart, adding up to that “epes” at the end of the day. Note, that behavioral goals MUST be stated in positive terms, i.e. rather than “DON’T SCREAM” – DO whisper. It wouldn’t hurt to engage her Big sister in a whispering game. Once you accomplish 21 consecutive days of NO SCREAMING WHATSOEVER, you should celebrate her achievement.
    Good luck – b’Hatzlocho!

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    1. My friend! I always whisper when I need attention of the madelehs! It works do much better. I very rarely scream, let alone raise my voice. I love the idea of 21 days. I also love to catch them doing something right or kind-I do that quite often at home and work. Thank you for your help! B’gzint 😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And you just gave me another piece of the puzzle: you whisper, therefore she screams! 21 days is research-based and proven methodology, but the token economy (the chart with rewards) must be consistent. She is entering the “envelope pushing” age, i.e. she’ll be trying to see how far it will go, but the good news is that this age is extremely bribable. Pardon me, the professional term is “responsive to positive reinforcement.”
        Zeit mir gezint!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m in the midst of the early stages of tantrums with my 2-year-old and I have to admit I’m really struggling. Rather than get worked up alongside him, I make sure he’s physically safe and leave him to vent for a good five minutes. Once I’ve cooled down (while looking after my 8-month-old) I approach him and ask him if he’s ready to come out of his ‘alone time’. This works well for us, and I understand it’s not going to work for all. It’s about finding what works best for you and importantly your daughter. It’s a tough one and I bid you good luck. #ablogginggoodtime

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  4. Oh but part of me adores this strong nature! Although probably because I’m not dealing with it, right?! I hope it passes for you soon and you all find a way to communicate! Thank you for linking this to #DreamTeam!

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  5. AHHH I just wrote this massive comment and went to post and my internet crashed, now I want to scream. Basically I was saying I find it hard between finding the balance of raising strong women with voices I do not want to squash, and also teaching them to survive in a society of rules and proper etiquette. I say look after yourself, times like these can exhaust us, I am glad she is understanding that her behaviour won’t get her what she wants, it is a confusing time for them at that age. Go easy on yourself and just love her through it as of course you are doing. Trust me they get there in the end, I mean mine are still testing me at 13, 10 and 8 but it gets easier in terms of tantrums, although ask me when my girls are 16 and I may say different lol #mg

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  6. Your little sounds a lot like my little. She’s had an impressive scream on her from the day she was born and the tantrums that girl can throw are beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve found that if I can’t calm her down within the first minute then nothing I say or do will help so ignore her and tell her to come talk to me when she’s ready. Eventually she’ll stop and come for a cuddle and most of the time she can’t even remeber why she was crying in the first place. She’s only three mind you, so what works for her may not work your little. At least they will be pretty formidable women when they grow up 😬
    Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My Big, used to scream so much when she was little(er), she had growths on her vocal chords. She sounded like Bonnie Raitt at 3! Luckily she was able to control it…so she still has a voice! Thanks, Sarah! #Explorerkids xoxo

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  7. I admire you staying so calm. It’s so easy to crack with the noise. My little is 2.5 and very much finding her voice. She saves the big pipes for extreme situations, but the rest of the time, she doesn’t stop talking. Not sure how I birthed a talker when I’m not that big on it myself. Good luck with your little, I think you’re doing wonderfully, and after consistently not getting what she wants from the tantrum , it will eventually subside ❤ #BlogCrush

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