A severe winter storm, defined as a ‘bomb cyclone,’ is hitting the eastern United States with the tenacity and chutzpah (balls, or nerve, for lack of a better term) of mr t’s thumbs in a tweetstorm with lil’ kim. Be warned, the ‘bomb cyclone’ is not fake news. Caused by a portentous plummet in (air) pressure proportionately parallel to mr t’s popularity, millions are now bracing for snow, ice, bone-chilling winds, and record-breaking low temperatures. This is not your momma’s Nor’easter.
The folks residing at the Manors are particularly preparing for calamitous cold conditions. “Last weekend, we saw 2-3 inches of snow in the bedroom alone,” said one resident, declining to be named. He went on to state, “We rescue one or two people a season in the hallways and on the steps, which typify tundra-like temps through March, as a rule.”
Apparently, a jet stream of cold air naturally penetrates the recently remodeled residences. Winter storms gravitate from the upper reaches of the atmosphere to the lower levels of the living quarters. It’s spectacular to observe.
“Perhaps record-breaking is the new normal,” said a young med student, who refers to her apartment as the ‘igloo on 2.’ “No need to worry about the small refrigerators. You can preserve perishables and slides from the lab, just about anywhere there’s a window! You don’t get that everywhere, you know?”
Another resident looks at the positive side of life, saying, “With this level of cold, we need less coffee to stay awake! The early morning wind gusts in the bedrooms have the kids flying out of bed to get dressed and ready for school where it is at least safe and warm each day. Tooth brushing is never as welcomed as it is in the austere conditions of winter.”
One couple quoted said, “We are thankful for the balmy bathrooms as a respite from the bleak bombogenesis that comes naturally with each unit. Most often, we sup in there to prevent our food from freezing up. A nice tablecloth can really dress up the closed lid on the loo. Candles add heat romance and help us to keep the magic of our relationship alive!”
Young kids enjoy the ski-lodge conditions, making extra money shoveling snow indoors. “We charge just a fiver for each apartment. We can really cash in with a storm like Grayson headed our way,” said one teen leading a group meeting of the cleanup crew. “I mean, the apartment folks, they shovel the walk-ups outside and stuff, but no one comes indoors like we do! We’ll have college costs and the new iPhone covered after ‘Gray.'”
Mrs. Rosenblatt, in R4, says, “My bursitis, oy, she will be acting up again with a pressure drop like this. At least I know I won’t have to ice my shoulders. I just put my rocker near the window as I knit and I will be frozeny-fine in no time flat. Who needs 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. It’s too much to think about. My doc can’t believe how lucky I am!”
Climatologists and rheumatologists alike have begun ascending on the apartments at the Manors, delving deep into the unusual weather pattern methodology and pain treatment analysis. “Rapidly warming oceans cheap as shit insulation and wearied windows are definitely having their way with the people populating this uniquely beautiful Tudor,” said one scientist from the Council on Oceanographic Laboratory Discoveries (COLD).
Climate scientists fervently favor this life-saving acronym when prepping for an arctic anomaly like Grayson: COLD: Clean clothes, Overheating, Layering of clothing and Dry clothing. Mrs. Rosenblatt further states, “On most days you can run into any neighbor schpatziring in our gotkes (running around in our long johns). I recommend this place to all my menopausal friends. A nice hot flash is easily abated with this chill.”
Mr. Rosenblatt says, “For this, we pay rent? Oy vey.”
One family yeah, it’s us is gleefully leaving for warmer climes very soon.
A fool doesn’t age and cold water doesn’t spoil. A nar vert nit elter un kalteh vasser vert nit kalyeh.
Hello friends! With holiday travel approaching for us all, please read this wonderful guest post, from green blogger, Sophia Evans. She is kind enough to share her green words of wisdom in my little part of the blog-o-sphere! Thank you, Sophia!
If you are a fan of the green lifestyle, having kids is not a reason to stop living in a healthy way and protect the environment. If you have some plans about traveling with your family and show your kids some interesting places, this is a great opportunity to also teach them how to be more environmentally friendly. Use this chance to make your travel a more eco-friendly experience which can be really fun and educational for your children.
I have a few tips for you which you can follow and make your family trip fun and still green. I promise you that if you trust these suggestions, you will teach your kids to be more aware of the environment around them and how to protect it. Having a green vacation is a wonderful way to enjoy your time and still be responsible and do the right things to lessen the global pollution.
Start with the planning
The first step of your future vacation is to choose the destination. I suggest you research for ethical places to visit. These are locations which truly care about saving the environment and they do everything they can to protect some of the treasures of nature. By visiting such locations you will be able to support these places and contribute to the popularization of such destinations.
Clean your car before you hit the road
If you plan to use your own vehicle for the trip, you can use a homemade green solution which will help you to clean your car and prepare it for the long ride to your destination. For this DIY cleaning product, you will need half a cup of white vinegar, one cup of club soda, half a cup non-toxic liquid soap and a quarter of a cup of a lemon juice. Grab an empty spray bottle and mix the ingredients in it. Shake the solution well and spray the upholstery of your vehicle. Use a brush to tackle all the dirt and in no time your car will be ready to hit the road.
Use public transportation
If your children are old enough, you can leave your car at home and use a train, a bus or even a ship to get to your destination. This way you will be able to reduce the toxic emissions from your car which pollute the environment. Another advantage of using these methods of transportation is that you and your children will be able to enjoy the nature and the view along the way. This can make the whole trip a lot more interesting, clean and eco-friendly at the same time.
Make healthy snacks
One important thing you must remember to pack are the snacks. Don’t forget to bring something that your children can munch on during the long trip. You can prepare some healthy homemade snacks so that you can be sure that your kids are not consuming some candies with too much sugar and artificial flavours.
Choose a green hotel
If you can, choose a green hotel to stay in. These hotels are designed to keep the environment clean. They usually use solar power and they are big on recycling. This way you can be sure that the place you and your family are staying in also shares your green view of life.
If you follow these few tips, you can be sure that you and your family will spend a wonderful vacation and your travel will still be environmentally friendly. Use this opportunity to show your kids wonderful places which they have never heard of and teach them to cherish the beauty of nature.
Thank you, Sophia! Here is a Yiddish Proverb for you all!