I used to sing in the shower. Now…

Ice cream at Bredenbeck’s, after the summer dance intensive recital

Today friends, let me paint you some pictures with my words. Imagine summer as kinderlech (children): bathing suits, swimming pools, hopping through creeks, jumping in puddles. Sleep-overs, scooter rides, hiking, and biking. Ice creamy treats, baking and make your own pizzas. Slides, swings, and sunshine (the scorn that is sunscreen). Dirt, mud, and coils of chlorine tangled pony-tails. Board games, LOL doll surprises, and dance routines. Hula hoops, watermelon, movie nights and popcorn all at the sofa, vey iz mir (woe is me). Being a kid in the summer is magical.

Now, let’s look at this very same season as Muters (Moms): The kinder, they are joyful and giddy from playtime with friends, family, each other. They get hungry, hangry and eat every edible morsel in the pantry and fridge didn’t I just food shop?. They are oysgematert (drop-dead tired) from days packed with fun and frolic and yes, some fighting and varfing (tantrums). Some nights, they even ask to go to bed! Pools, beaches, showers, hair… Towels, oy, they are everywhere. And, they have so many wardrobe changes each and every effing day daily, they would give Cher in concert a run for her money… The grob vesh (dirty laundry) piles high daily. This, not so magical.

Doesn’t everyone hula-hoop in this kind of outfit? Nu?

Enter the brand new, very expensive, broken, cockamamie (ridiculous) washing machine. Broken not once, not twice, but three times since its inaugural installation in January yes, of this same year, and yes, if you would like to, please see the irony of that other inaugural installation event. It broke again on the 3rd of this month. Today, if you’re counting and you better believe I am counting marks day 15. Customer service mishaps, lost parts orders, summer vacations, and dirty laundry from floor to ceiling.

Slumber with besties

Now, in the big scheme of things, nisht geferlich (not really so terrible, we are alive, poo-poo). Worse things can do and will happen. The Mrs., she has already taken some 80+ pounds of laundry to the laundromat I chose food shopping.

Why are you looking at me? I don’t even wear clothes.

So now, I offer you this picture: I am fully clothed, save for a belt and sneakers. I walk into our shower. There is a small lump of laundry littering the floor near the bench. I turn on cool water and grab the bar of Fels-Naptha Laundry Soap. I wash my jeans while wearing them. This is the emmes truth (I swear its true). I peel them off for some interior suds-ing, give a good rinse, then squeeze, spin cycle style. Next, my T-shirt. Suds on and scrub. Take it off, rinse, and scrunch. Undergarments follow – you get the idea. I am finally in my birthday suit (no need to picture that — this is not on of those stories). I tend to the lump of things already on the floor… then finally, I can clean me. Please know, this dramatically increases my hygienic routine. I used to sing in the shower, now I feel like Ma, from Little House on the Prairie. As I load the dryer with my freshly cleaned items, I give the evil eye to the washer. Feh! (expression of physical and emotional disgust).

Like Ma, in Little House on the Prairie, I enter my modern stream…

Allegedly, the fix-it-people are coming tomorrow – between 8:54 am and 11:54 am who gives times like these? — emmes truth. I think I will do another load in the morning, again… 

Yiddish Proverb:

If you have nothing to lose, you can try everything. Aoyb ir hot gornisht tsu farlirn ir kenen prubirn alts.

So, how’s by you?

Laundry, shmaundry… A bei gezunt (As long as you’re healthy).

 

Rant, Shmant, at least I can vent…Week 6

 

Shhhh. Please be quiet...therapy again! Yup.
Shhhh. Please be quiet…therapy again! Yup.

My rants of the past few weeks have been a little on the ample

Like politics and racism, just to give you an example

Today I’ll take it down a stretch and act a bit more tranquil

And leave my lefty, liberal thoughts and opines, for some of you will be thankful

 

I despise it, laundry the charge that never ends

Despite the amount you do, it continues and transcends

If we had one, we could bagroben (bury or hide) it all deep within the basement

Then the Mrs. and the Kinder (kids) would look at me with such amazement

 

The clothes are always inside out and the bin is overflowing

The stench gets rather pungent and the hallway somewhat glowing

It’s never in the hamper rather scattered all about

What is dirty, what is clean? Is something regularly I shout

image

Please use your towels more than once do you think this is my only job?

Pick up those scattered dirt-drenched things and stop living like a slob

It’s almost time to essen (eat) so we can’t change our clothes anew

And there are only three out of four of us who are neat enough when we chew

 

As for sorting out the colors from the others in the bin

When something is mis-washed or spun, it’s deemed a venal sin

If something should be hanging but somehow makes it through the dryer

You’ll find me running for the hills as if my hair were lit on fire

 

Darks and lights, black or white, what about the stripes

Lately there are too many categories and subsequent subtypes

Fancy little outfits, sheets, knits, towels, maybe a sweater

Farmisht (befuddled), I just put everything on delicate-cold, I’m trying to be better

 

As for the lone socks, I alone will simply not accept the pressure

For mix-matched wearing is quite fashionable, a real wardrobe refresher

Fargessen (forgot) and doing the same load for two to three days makes me go berserk

Yet heeding that annoying buzzer has not yet become knee-jerk

 

She who does the wash and finds gelt (cash) in the washer/dryer

While fun and gleeful, it’s just a bissel (little), not nearly enough to inspire

What is the point of folding when all the drawers are a complete mess?

Well, at least not mine, one out of four, of that I can confess

 

Putting away the farkakteh (pain in the tuchas-butt) laundry is a struggle I abhor

Perhaps clean clothes and such should be in a jumble on the floor

A baleboosteh (great housekeeper) I am not. And laundry, fun? No way

Nudist? Naked? Maybe? Just think of all those hours saved each and every day

linky 2-26-16 #FabFridayPost
linky 2-26-16 #FabFridayPost

 

always-dream-big-orlando-espinosa1

 

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