Did you really just text me a zinger like that?

image

Shush! Therapy is in session. Phones off.

Kvetch (rant) week 16: Texting has gotta stop!

Okay, it has to be done. I’ve seen too much collateral damage, both on the side of the road in a puddle of blood, and on the sofa cushions, in a puddle of tears.  Texting is not a form of good communication. I’m as techy as the next mom, maybe more so. But, hear me loud and clear. We are allowing our superior opposable thumbs to:

  1. Slowly and surely slash social human interaction
  2. Cause senseless arguments and misinterpretations
  3. Choke our savings in data plans that feel like extortion

Why you ask? Nuance. In a text you cannot look the person in the eyes, hear the tone of their voice, respond to their body language or sense their emotional state. Emoji’s, while cute, cannot replace the shades and degrees that make up real conversations.

PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE IF:

  • Your text is more than 2 short sentences, such as, “Running late. Be home soon.” If the reader has to scroll endlessly to read your message, and then respond with texting that is twice as long, this is mishegas (crazy making).
  • You need to convey something shocking or impolite, “I’m divorcing you and I’m keeping the house. How was your day?” C’mon. Unless you are really a draycup (one with your head not on straight), think this through.
  • You have emotional news to share, like, “Your father, he’s just fine. He only tried to kill himself.” This Yiddisher momma loves sarcasm as much as you, but nice, not so much. This kind of text can trigger a battle of the thumbs that will rival the Dueling Banjos from Deliverance. And Carpal-Thumbal is soon to be the next medical malady.
  • You may come off a bissel (a tad bit) begrudging, “You did what? And that birthday Rolex will feed your kids how?” You may be thinking, wow, I was damned clever there…but at what price?
  • You may create a monster of a misunderstanding; “You haven’t spoken to me in three years and you want I should drop everything now and take you to the airport!” Don’t text today like nothing was wrong yesterday. Or more profoundly put, “Don’t pee on my foot and tell me it’s raining.”

DRIVING WHILE IN-TEXT-ICATED:

Every day, we mitigate hundreds of risks with the decisions and choices we make throughout the course of our days. And still, we magically (or luckily) make it home for dinner. Kaynehorrah (said to ward off the evil eye)! 1.6 million-car accidents occur each year due to the dilemma that is texting and driving. This number, it is growing. And it is taking our kinder (children) with it. Teens are the biggest culprits. And whom did they learn this behavior from? I’m just saying. Put the phone down. Be a role model. Listen to NPR or Spotify. Be present.

Distracted walking is now even cause for concern. People are texting while walking and getting hit by cars, run over by trains, and are generally more in danger than those of us present. Who is such a macher (big cheese, boss) they cannot walk without the thumbs poised to shoot?

Me, I have a strict rule in the car. I will not text and drive for three major reasons: The Mrs., Big, and Little.

image

And because I’m curious, when I do hear that electronic fart telling me I have a text waiting, don’t you know I hit every green light until I reach my final destination. No joke! Keep ‘em coming. I’ll be punctual and arrive alive.

A bei gezunt. (We should all live and be well).

Can you give it up? Tell me about it, won’t you?

 

 

 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin and WordPress

 

Thank You so much Su, from EthanEvelyn.com! #FabFridayPost
Thank You so much Su, from EthanEvelyn.com! #FabFridayPost
Bloggers Pit Stop #23 Mwah Ladies!
Bloggers Pit Stop #23
Mwah Ladies!

Rant, Shmant: Zika virus?

 

This is one scary bug!
           

Shhhhh. feeling extremely out of control… Vampires bites! Week 14 

Is it just me? Or are you worried about the Zika virus? Forget the election and the fate of our country. This little bugger might just trump Trump, in the world of threats? According to health officials at the CDC, these newly armed and mighty mosquitos are like teeny, tiny-terrorists, swarming our way, and outfitted in the latest ISIS style death-vests, ready to attack with a bite, leaving behind a trail of neurologic cooties. Can’t go outside because they can form and reproduce in a drop of water. Can’t stay inside, because unlike other mosquito members, they like it indoors.

At first, level red alerts were only for those with child and trying for ‘with child’ status, due to the link to abysmal birth defects. As if that wasn’t bad enough! Now, ‘they’ say, all of us are in danger. Fevers, rashes, joint pain, fatigue and um, some rare autoimmune and neurological disorders that could attack our brains and spinal chords.

And, as warmer weather is on the way, vacations begin and people from Zika prone countries will cross-pollinate. We now know, the vampire bite is no longer the only way to spread said sickness. Actually shtupping (having sex with an infected male) can do it too. Lucky for this two-momma household, we at least have lesbianism going for us. Oy vey!

So, I headed over to the CDC web site and take a look-see under PREVENTION. Mark my words, this is what it said: No vaccine exists. Prevent Zika by avoiding mosquito bites. Genius!

I don’t know about you, but the Mrs., Little, Big and me are like mosquito magnets. The freckles on our skin must say, “All you can Eat,” in mosquito. We use the stuff that costs and arm and a leg from WF to protect from bug bites. No way my shana madelahs (little girls) are going to get slathered in DEET. Even the EPA, the bastion of protection, says that this stuff is so poisonous, if you do use it, wash it off immediately when you come inside, don’t breathe around it (how does this work, when you shmear it on like cream cheese on a bagel?), and don’t spray directly on your face. These machers (big shots) also suggest, wait for it, staying indoors from dawn to dusk. This, they earn salaries for?

I’m no doctor (a Yiddisher Momma, yes, and I watched a lot of House), but DEET kills things. Probably a lot more things than just vampire mosquitos!

Well that’s it for my kvetching (complaining). What on earth are you going to do about this mosquito issue with your families?

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!

 

linky 4-22-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #28
linky 4-22-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #28

 

Bloggers Pit Stop #20
Bloggers Pit Stop #20

Today’s Post, is brought to you by the Letter “U”

With the doctor
With the doctor

Big U, Little u, what begins with U?

U is for Update

So the last time a letter sponsored this yiddisher momma, it was B, for Botox. I thought it well timed to share an update. It’s unanimous! There is no level of unhappiness as a result of this treatment. In fact, it is my understanding that in addition to the incredibly youthful, even child-like, back of my head and scalp that I now sport underneath my coif, Botox helps to undo my pain! In fact, Botox, united with my superhuman bionic occipital stimulator, has me under an umbrella of predominantly good feeling unlike I have known in quite some time. This unusual turn of events has me quite hopeful and, well upbeat. The upstairs region of my person, which is usually inundated with pain unlike – well, you should just never know from such ugly pain – now has me in the unique position of not crying, “Uncle! I give up.” 

Big U, Little u, what begins with U?

U is for Unlikely turn of events

It turns out, you do not have to be ungeshtupped (stuffed with money!) to get this procedure! The upright people who make Botox (Allergan) have a program to assist desperate pain sufferers such as me, in paying for the unreasonable and unwarranted copays that triggered consideration of sitting myself near my local urban pharmacy with a Venti-sized spent Starbucks cup in hand. I am still anticipating the arrival of my undue out-of-pocket expenditures, and will no doubt update you all to the Botox loot when it arrives via post. The understanding of said payback program has me already scheduled to undergo another round of injections in one month’s time. Sticking to the 90-day plan is urgent and essential in keeping away the unpleasant pain.

Doing the 'HAPPY DANCE'
Doing the ‘HAPPY DANCE’ for Mommy

Big U, Little u, what begins with U?

U is for Us

As in the Mrs., me and the kinder (kids) and our newfound universe that does not contain the usual amount of ache and discomfort. This has us all on an upward spiral of delight. And, don’t you worry, I will undertake anything that I am normally unable to do – I want very much to maintain this unique new feeling of unfeeling as much agony as is possible.

Until next time…what’s new with U?

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!

 

Rant, Shmant: The Time Conundrum?

Tick-tock, tick-tock...
Tick-tock, tick-tock…

Quiet please, for this session is very important…Week 13

Where does it go when 24/7 is the new norm? 81 years is the average age for a woman in the U.S. to live, less so for a man. How do we spend our time? What makes us happy? What constitutes a life well lived? I suppose those answers change from person to person.

2 reasons right here...
2 reasons right here…

I’m soon to be 636 months old. Am I doing the things that matter to me? Am I grateful? What do I want more of? What do I do too much of? If I have roughly 336 months left, how should they be spent? How could they be spent?

I work really hard. I do not have wealth, and I am rich in many ways. I live with extreme physical pain, and I savor the many pleasurable feelings of joy. I have had struggles and tsuris (troubles) for what feels too long a time, and I revel in laughter and glee. I have been hurt and I seek no harm to others. I’m not where I want to be, physically or fiscally, and I am so lucky to be surrounded by those I love and who love me.

This life, it seems it is filled with hundreds of invisible tugs of war that one encounters at unpredictable checkpoints along the way. Everyone’s road is different. Sometimes one can pass through the obstacles with ease while others require extra adeptness and newfound compassion.

Where is the balance among the commotion? How does one teeter what feels good and what hurts? Ethics, morals, values, pain, conflict, money, love, empathy, gratitude, compassion…is there a pattern? I don’t have that answer. I don’t see a pattern.

If time is finite, I need handle it with care. If energy is fixed, I should expend wisely. If my body craves healing, I need to treasure restoration. I fear there is no bargaining at this table.

I do work that is meaningful. My heart lives for and with my family, great friends. Such naches (joy and happiness) I get, from the Mrs. and der kinder (the children). I hold my loved ones closely and dearly. I am grateful.

Thanks for letting me speak (well, okay, type). I can stop kvetching (complaining), at least about time, for I think I have resolved the answer to my enigma. Wish me much mazel (good luck)!

Are you living your life well? A bei gezunt (As long as your healthy)!

image

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!

 

linky 4-15-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #27
linky 4-15-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #27
Bloggers Pit Stop #19
Bloggers Pit Stop #19
Pass the Sauce #AgentSpitback #Linky Party 4-19-16
Pass the Sauce #AgentSpitback #Linky Party 4-19-16

 

The Liebster Award! Oh My!

Thank you #grubbsncritters for this honor!
Thank you #grubbsncritters for this honor!

KVELLING: Bursting with pride and joy!

I am feeling really special lately. I am so fortunate to have been praised and recognized by fellow blogger Ann, of grubbsncritter.com.  I greatly admire Ann and the great work she does in this space!  Such nachas (utter delight) I haven’t felt, since, well, since I got to watch my Big and Little perform in the ballet, the Nutcracker this past Christmas. (Yes, Jewish kids can perform in a ballet about goyim, or non-jews). Well, I also felt this good when the Mrs. and me, we had time enough to casually binge watch every episode of Doc Martin on TV! I digress…Thank you Ann for this splendid award! I will not rest on my laurels here, rest assured!

Nutcracker tryouts...
Nutcracker try-outs

Ann, she too has two, and has time to write about her life and family antics. A must to add to your reader.

My honorees (drumroll please):

Your Questions???

  1. What is your favorite book?
  2. When did you know you loved writing?
  3. Do you have cable, or are you a cord cutter?
  4. Where on the planet is your ‘happy place?’
  5. All-time, best ever, favorite moment of your life (to date)?
  6. What three things would you bring with you if you were stranded on a desert island?
  7. Dinner or Dessert?
  8. What is your favorite word?
  9. How do you occupy your time when you are not blogging?
  10. What do you look forward to in the future?

The Answers to my Questions from Ann:

  1. What’s your favourite go-to snack? Dark Chocolate, or oranges (definitely not together)
  2. If a genie would grant you one wish, and only one, what would you wish for? That the Mrs. and my kinder (the girls), they will always be okay
  3. What’s your favourite post from your own blog so far? My Rant about Cell Phones
  4. Who is your favourite blogger? All things Chronic
  5. If you would cook a special meal, what would it be? Falafel, tabouli and hummus
  6. What makes you squirm? Mice, lice, and mice with lice
  7. What is the most annoying song? The theme song to Barney!
  8. Would you rather live in the city or the suburb? I’m a city girl
  9. What is your favourite quote? Don’t pee on my foot and tell me it’s raining! or in Yiddish, Du kanst nicht oif meinem fus pishen und mir sagen klass es regen ist.
  10. Cats or dogs? Dogs, more specifically, pugs ❤

Thanks again Ann! You rock and made my day, week, month!

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!

 

 

 

Rant, Shmant…Well maybe this week, it’s a lament

The Tooth Fairies find us at the Manor
The Tooth Fairies find us at the Manor

Shhhhhh: therapy game is ON: Week 12

For the past several weeks/months, Big has had a very sleepy, jiggly, wiggly loose front baby tooth. Keep in mind, she is 8, and has only lost two teeny teeth (the lower front biters) to date. Big, just like the Mrs., is very sensitive. I have joked, “Big will need crutches before this tooth untethers!” Eating has become fascinating. All foods must be cut narrow and thin, to slide in on the right side, so as not to aggravate or exacerbate said upper left tooth. My shana madelah (beautiful little girl) was tolerating little cuts to her right cheek, trying desperately not to let anything come anywhere near the incapacitated dental vicinity.

Well, while on our family spring break, Little somehow gives Big some kind of unexpected zetz (a George Foreman like punch) in maxillary central…and don’t you know, both front baby incisors were now flapping in the wind like laundry on a clothesline. Oh the tears. Little and remorse? Not so much. We were all ferhklempt (choked with emotion).

So what do we do? Like all good Jews, we nosh (eat a little something). A few scoops of ice cream later, she was back and ready for vacation action.

Fast-forward a few days, add another zetz (from you know who), and Big comes begging me to end her toothy tsuris (troubles).

“Mommy, Mommy, please! Just pull them out! I can’t take it anymore!” I cupped her sad, teary face and said to my bubelah (sweet heart), “Honey, are you sure?”

“Yes! Please! Just do it!”

And without even a tug, with barely a touch, her two front teeth fell gently into my hands. I hugged her, we all cheered and kvelled (oozed with pride) over her bravery. A regular Merida, she was. This simcha (joyous day) will bring the much-anticipated tooth fairy here, to the Manor!

image

And as I welled up with pride, and looked through the tunnel, now fully opened in her newly formed smile, I winced with a venti-sized dose of shpilkas (anxiety/pins and needles). My Big, our first bubelah (sweet little girl), she is growing up.

Wasn’t it just ten minutes ago when she was born?

And there in lies my lament.

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!

 

 

Pass the Sauce #AgentSpitback #Linky Party 4-12-16
Pass the Sauce #AgentSpitback #Linky Party 4-12-16
linky 4-8-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #26
linky 4-8-16 #FabFridayPost Linky #26

 

Bloggers Pit Stop #18
#BloggersPitStop #18   4-8-16

Versatile Blogger Award

versatile-blogger-award

Today is a fabulous Monday for so many reasons. I will list them, because after all, it’s Monday, and who ever likes them anyway?

  • Today, I earned the Versatile Blogger Award from Mliae over at the amazing lifeexperimentblog. Check it out! Mliae is awesome, honest, authentic, and creative! TY Mliae! A great big ‘Mwah’ coming your way! This award is so special because it’s about recognition from fellow bloggers….Being such a newbie, I’m kvelling (so proud)!
  • Today, Monday is Friday because tomorrow, we leave to visit my Shvester (sister) and almost the whole mishpocheh (family, we’ll see Steve, Max and Vic)! Benny, we’ll miss you! We are headed to the only place on earth where having a mouse in the house is a priority! DISNEY! Little and Big have far surpassed excited!
  • #Syracuse made it to the FINAL FOUR! March Madness? March Nachas (goodness)!

Basics: Tell you 7 things that you don’t know about me already (therapy, here we go  again…)

  1. The Mrs. and me, we both have Jetta’s (her’s is nicer than mine, mine is cleaner than her’s–but to be fair, she schleps (drives) Little and Big all over creation customarily)
  2. I love hot, humid weather, and I despise being cold. I have 4 layers on now as I type–no joke
  3. Having der kinder (children) has made me more aware of my own mortality
  4. I love sushi
  5. and Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream
  6. Ellen Degeneres is my hero
  7. I so miss having unconditional, loving, dog energy around me

My Nominations:

Now, off to la la land, where I will dream of the coronation, the jeans and Dansko’s I’ll wear… Mliae, you rock! Thanks dear blogger friend!

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin or right here, where you are, on WordPress!