Eyes, don’t deceive me now… Sometimes, you just have to wonder. Like for instance, when I was walking around on my lunch break, and came across this vision:
Either things are really progressing when it comes to dog-walking, or people are really digressing in terms of dealing with nature calling. Color me silly, but I fear the latter.
So, I tried to think about what other passers-by might have thought as they meandered across this less than idyllic scene. Please, as you read these next lines, conjure up the voice of an alte kocker (an old Jewish man or woman) for effect.
“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: If you would have stopped along the way, like I begged you to, I wouldn’t have to pee in this nogoodnik’s (one with low morals) outdoor mess.
I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: Oy, a balebustah (homemaker) she is not. Better I should go here, it’s probably cleaner.
“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: What, you think there is something wrong with that? I could brech (vomit) from the thought of eating her food.
“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: Look at this drek (crap). What kind of neighborhood is this anyway?
“I should stopherea sec before we get to their house.” -translation: What? If you had a prostate you would understand! Mittendrinen (in the middle of everything), this is a mitzvah (good deed).
Luze zein shah! (Shush already!) Therapy in session…
I don’t know about you dear therapists, but driving around here has become outright mishegas (craziness). The people on the roads have taken a test, somehow passed and received a license to drive a vehicle! Oy vey (WTF)!
My morning drive is admittedly, one of the most beautiful in the entire world. A stunning commute filled with a bunch of mushuggenehs (crazies). It’s seven hellish miles. Magnificent zigzagging, tree-lined, pothole riddled roads that surround the waters of the Wissahickon and historic sites of age-old Philadelphia. After a dangerous merge, I head to another spectacular, snaky, curvaceous course that harkens back to the grandeur and prestige of a Thomas Eakins oil painting. Eakins, from the late 1870’s, devoted many years of his life creating oil paintings of the stuff I see every day — scullers and rowers on the Schuylkill River. Add runners, joggers, walkers and schvitzers (sweaty people) with their dogs, horses, and babies… Looking at the action alone could kill you.
On the journey that is my drive, fellow travelers multitask to a fault. Distracted, that would be a nice way to put it! They are talking, teleconferencing, texting, speeding, shaving, putting on eye-liner, singing to Adele, tying ties, fixing hair, checking for ‘bears in the cave,’ getting pissed at traffic, and screaming at talk radio hosts. All the while, the GPS is barking directions and ways to evoke more expeditious expeditions while Siri is chatting up local latte locations. Those with little people are either begging for silence so they can masterfully do all of the above while driving, or passing der kinder (the kids) a nice nosh (a little something to eat) and drink to quell the clamor. Cheerios flying, sippy-cups seeping while said kinder (children) are squirming in the car seats they will be trapped in until they are dropped at the university dormitory.
Traffic, gawking, gaper-delays all add to the madness. I see too many accidents each day as part of my pillar to post routine. It’s frightening. When I don’t see the actual smash-up, I see the car remnants, the rubber tread marks on the road, the broken glass, the bits and chunks of bent metal objects. It’s a shonda (shame).
I absolutely do not text and drive (any more). I often talk; always hands-free. I’ll never switch to an incoming call while on the phone unless I am at a red light and it is really important. I listen to NPR. I sometimes cry in the car. I go the speed limit, prompting many evil looks and ugly hand gestures. And I watch closely, because it is terrifying out there.
Do you remember etiquette on the road? Be a mensch (good person) already and let someone in your lane or out of a parking lot. Pay if forward, will you please? Wave and nod as a thank you. It won’t kill you. Maybe smile a little…it’s contagious you know. It’s really not such a kockamayme (ridiculous) idea to show some politeness.
Well that’s my kvetching (ranting) today. Drive nicely people. It’s a mitzvah (good thing) to arrive alive each direction.
Little and Big are always up to the most amazing things at school. These two mommas are constantly blown away by what they are learning and how truly hands-on their experiences are. I’m gonna kvell (ooze with pride) now a bit over Big and the art of persuasion.
Get a load of these two letters she brought home:
One for the Mrs. and me:
One for Little:
Now that is my Mighty Girl in Action.
The Mrs. and I agreed, and so did Little. Onward! Keep up the amazing job #Miquon teachers. You rock! Keep working the #Miquon Magic!
The Meet and Greet continues today so be sure to stop by and visit other bloggers. I want to remind everyone as to what I consider to be the most powerful aspect of the MnG concept and that is to visit other sites and introduce yourself. Leaving your link and leaving is one method, but it is the least effective method. Leave your link and then spend some time reaching out to others!
And don’t forget, you can leave your link multiple times!!