good grief

she wept, cleansing tears
at least I hoped they were so
they seem unending

flowing liquid streams
sorrow, like a tsunami
emptying in waves

compounding her pain
fresh sadness on top of old
fossils ‘neath her heart

all words feel hollow
burdens carried, she is still
her world, it is dark

i know there is light
i’ve felt the warmth on my back
it has filled my heart

come, sit next to me
we can gaze at the sun, stars
feel joy, dream with me

 

 

Yiddish Proverb:

Gold glitters even in the mud. Gold gliterz afilu in di blote.

 

Some great folks I like to share with….

Poems, home and perspectives

Big's Poem
Big’s Poem

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. My shanah maidehlahs (little sweet girls) made Valentine’s for their classmates, their teachers and for me and my Mrs., and Gatsby too! When I came home from work, I was stunned by the artwork left for me to see, the prizes of love. Notes, cards, pictures, 2 boxes of Egyptian Licorice Tea (OMG!!!) and a bag of black licorice. They know me well.

I read Luka’s poem and I couldn’t help but tear up. I cried I bawled Her perspective is so different from my own growing up. My only wish is that Little and Big, my beautiful kinder (children), may we do our very best to do right by you, always and forever.

My poem at 8 years of tender age would be very different:

When I Think of Home

by Lisa

When I think of ‘home’ I think of cleanliness and order

When I think of ‘home’ I am not allowed on my bed until 8pm

When I think of ‘home’ my sister is wisely absent

When I think of ‘home’ I smell the stench of pine-sol

When I think of ‘home’ I think of disappearing

When I think of ‘home,’ I am unhappy

When I think of ‘home’ I think of entering through the garage

When I think of ‘home’ I hear the voices that tried to shatter me

When I think of ‘home’ I think of the dis-ease that was enabled

When I think of ‘home’ I see rooms not to be entered

When I think of ‘home’ I think antiseptic and sterile

When I think of ‘home’ of think no life lives here

When I think of ‘home’ I am dirty and wrong

When I think of ‘home’ I don’t matter as much

As the things we acquired or the rooms we can’t touch

To all the kinder (children) everywhere, live out loud, make a mess, make beautiful and loving memories. That little ones, you so deserve.

You know what? After a good cry, your heart is lighter. (Az mi veint rich ois, vert gringer afn hartz)

Thank you my friends, for letting me share. To dare to be open and vulnerable among you.

Linky’s:

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The date night we stole, right in our own home :)

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Today dear readers, I share with you a bissel (little) geshikte (story). Last Friday, on my drive home, I called my Mrs. with passion and enthusiasm for a fun-filled weekend, only to be greeted with a flattened voice, you know the kind I mean. The tone alone spoke volumes, expressing how, “I should have known to come home hours ago to take care of these meshuggeneh kinder (crazy kids) of MINE.” I hung up the phone, I knew I had to pull out some big stops in order to inflate the deflated love of my life. What to do? This was winter doldrums mixed with too much news and reality — she had a terrible case of the election dejections

Flowers? Too expensive for the outcome. The smile would be fleeting, and they would, well, d-i-e. More sadness we did not need. Chocolate? Ice cream? Too much risk involved in me being the bearer of the sweets…oy vey (WTF!). I was almost home.

I turned into the Manor, pulling my up every ounce of creativity from my frugal induced brain. Wait, I know! Friday night is movie night in our home. After dinner we snuggle in our pj’s and all watch a movie usually the same effing kid movie, chosen after a long, drawn out, award winning tantrum from both Big and Little on who picked last, buttery popcorn smells wafting through the air. Blankets and hugs. I walk in and announce:

“Tonight! Tonight my little maidelehs (sweet girls), Mommy has a great idea!” This movie night will be extra special! You two get to watch your very own movie on the big screen, and Ema and I, we will watch a ‘mommy movie’ in our room!

Only the faintest hint of a smile was let out by my Mrs. It was subtle, like the Mona Lisa, only less so, but I know I saw it. In unison, these girls let out a geshrei (loud, piercing scream), you would think I told them a shreklickheh (horrible, terrible) thing, like there is no Santa Claus, or ‘we’ are the tooth fairy. The waterworks and the screams together — What were the neighbors thinking? My plan did not account for such a reaction. The Mrs., she walked off in a sullen sidestep as I tried my best to quiet the teeny, mighty troops.

After finally convincing them that we are only six (6) inches away, separated only by a thin uninsulated wall, they gave us a brokkheh (blessing). Finally, I had heart palpatations for a good reason!

My Mrs., she questioned a stifled, should we really do this? I said f*ck yes! The kinder are learning everything about relationships through ours. If we don’t model how we need alone time, that we value alone time, what kind of relationships will they have? And where will ours go? She nodded, we hugged. The kinder watched us, tried to listen. I said, “Zugg gornisht! Der kinder!” (Shush. The kids can hear us!)

We ate, cleaned, popped, buttered, salted, and split ways. What did Elsa sing in Frozen?  “For the first time in forever…” echoed excitedly in my ears.

We headed to the bedroom. It had been soooooo long, the tv could no longer locate the chromecast do-hickey. I struggled with our looming IT issues. Rebooted the cable router, flipped the switches on and off. Unplugged and re-plugged. I heard the loud sound of the clock ticking away in my ears. We finally grabbed a laptop, signed in to Netflix and had time enough left to watch episode 1 of, The Crown. 

We snuggled, we smiled, Little and Big kept running in to check on us, as we watched a show for big people. The kinder, they giggled and laughed at our selection. We smiled and hugged and watched on. It was a wonderful evening after all. The girls felt empowered, we felt like ‘we’ mattered, and my Mrs., she had a really beautiful smile as we snuggled closely.

Guess what my friends, today is Friday! 🙂

And to you, my Mrs., Ich hob dir lieb! (I love you!)

 

Linky’s:

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3 Days / 3 Quotes: Game On Day 3

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Day 3 is already here. Oy! (wow). I want to share with you, some quotes on Love. Today, is for the Mrs., the love of my life, my best friend, Ema (mother) of our kinder (kids Big and Little), and a SAHM (no easy task)! She is smart, creative, such talent she has… And her beauty, it is inside and out. Oozing from her… If you think you’re going to see a picture of her here, now, you’re missheguneh (nuts)! I don’t have a pre-approved, okay to share with the world shot. Photo, shmoto — I wouldn’t be able to capture her essence anyhow. And that is the emmes (absolute, for real, not lie) truth.

Why Quotes? Because who am I to say no to a challenge? Don’t you know, just a few short days ago. I’m reading some of my fave bloggers, and I see that Helen, over at At Least I Have a Brain, is in the midst of a 3 day quote challenge. As I  study the quotes on her page, there I am, mittendrinnen (smack-dab in the middle) of her post! Game on Helen, and THANK YOU for this wonderful experience.

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Day 3: Honey, my Mrs., today is for you. Ich hob dir lieb (I love you)! Thank you for putting up with me, all my mishegas (craziness) and associated dreck (crap) like chronic pain, and, well you know… Here we go:

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”

— Winnie the Pooh

“I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.”

— Nicholas Sparks

And, one Yiddish line of wisdom I must add here. It is so important for us in this frugalista state of our union:

Tsuzogen un lib hoben kost nit kain gelt (It doesn’t cost anything to promise and to love).

Of course, there are rules!

  • Provide 3 new quotes on many topics each day for three days
  • Nominate 3 new bloggers each day for three days
  • Thank the lovely writer who challenged you (HELEN!), always
  • Let the bloggers you have challenged, know about it (it’s a thing, part of the shtick)

My three maven (expert) bloggers for Day 3:

  1. Jenn at AMotherofAllTrades
  2. Cecile at TheFrenchieMummy
  3. Mac at ReflectionsFromMe

Have at it my friends…M’wah!

A bei gezunt (As long as we’re healthy)!

Linky’s:

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Mother’s Day: A new lifetime of uncompromising love

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With Mother’s Day right ‘round the corner

Looking back, I was quite the performer

Be perfect, keep smiling

Underneath I am dying

It’s a wonder I made it out stronger

 

Look Mommy, Ema!
Look Mommy, Ema!

Growing up with maternal unwell-ness

And he who’d simply abide and acquiesce

While worthy of love

I fell under the thumb of

The source of my own hell and unique stress

 

Mental illness is still quite the conundrum

With stigma, best we steer clear away from

Listen up dear ol’ Dad

‘Cause it makes me so mad

For her life deserved a happier outcome

 

As the one tossed out underneath the bus

There’s a matter we all should discuss

A pill could have fixed it

He instead nixed it

And I am the one they mistrust?

Look. I'm a tree!
Look. I’m a tree!

 

Well the Mrs. and Me, don’t dare parent like thee

For we’re building foundations as strong as the trees

Mighty girls we are rearing

Whose personae we’re cheering

Love and happiness are what we foresee

 

As I look at our kinder each day

I’m kvelling in every which way

Prouder? I couldn’t be

That’s fact, actuality

Nothing could possibly take that away

 

Dear Little and Big, always realize

The love from your momma’s only magnifies

It will never, ever leave you

No matter what you may say or do

For you both make our hearts, super-sized

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P.S.

Little and Big, please make bedtime go smoothly

Your mommalah’s can’t stand each night, you’re acting so rudely!

The crazies, please end them

We’re tired of bedlam

And yes, we still love you both, hugely

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Wishing all the Momma’s and kinder-caretakers a very Happy Mother’s Day!

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Thank You so much Su, from EthanEvelyn.com! #FabFridayPost
Thank You so much Su, from EthanEvelyn.com! #FabFridayPost

 

Bloggers Pit Stop #22
Proud to be at the Bloggers Pit Stop #22
TY domesticatedmomster!
TY domesticatedmomster!