Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!

Eyes, don’t deceive me now… Sometimes, you just have to wonder. Like for instance, when I was walking around on my lunch break, and came across this vision:


Either things are really progressing when it comes to dog-walking, or people are really digressing in terms of dealing with nature calling. Color me silly, but I fear the latter.

So, I tried to think about what other passers-by might have thought as they meandered across this less than idyllic scene. Please, as you read these next lines, conjure up the voice of an alte kocker (an old Jewish man or woman) for effect.

I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: If you would have stopped along the way, like I begged you to, I wouldn’t have to pee in this nogoodnik’s (one with low morals) outdoor mess.

I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: Oy, a balebustah (homemaker) she is not. Better I should go here, it’s probably cleaner.

“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: What, you think there is something wrong with that? I could brech (vomit) from the thought of eating her food. 

“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: Look at this drek (crap). What kind of neighborhood is this anyway?

“I should stop here a sec before we get to their house.” -translation: What? If you had a prostate you would understand! Mittendrinen (in the middle of everything), this is a mitzvah (good deed).

What? No toilet paper? A shanda (it’s a shame).


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Don’t Stop me. I’m on a roll

Do you or don’t you? Do you leave the next person high and dry? Er, well, you know without? Apparently I am the only one to change the darn thing in my home, and just about everywhere I, well, go!

That includes, work, restaurants, other people’s homes, malls, grocery stores, planes, parks and even hotels…the list goes on. Just who raised all of you who are leaving all of us without proper papers? And I’m not talking the over/under debate. Don’t get me started on that (everyone knows that over the top is the proper way-it’s in the original patent).

To my misfortune, I do have to go often. And I’m a mom with two kids who have a bad case of ‘potty envy,’ bringing me face to face with commode conundrum exponentially more than most.

I’ve now reached the point where it’s become the first thing I check when headed to the loo. Could it be that everyone else is so thoroughly thoughtless when it comes to others? Is it too farfetched to fathom that if you needed it since you were old enough to go it alone, that someone else may feel the same way?

Nope. You either do or you don’t, and there is no shade of gray in this area.

If as a human being, living and sharing on the planet, you are looking to grow, simply follow these easy steps.

You will need some basics.
1 new roll of (whatever ply suits your system) toilet paper
A free hand (so put down the smart phone)
Recycling bin (YES! It’s recyclable. It’s cardboard and it should not be sent to the landfill)

Simple really.
Remove empty roll.
Replace with new roll, paper coming over top.
Place empty roll in recycling bin, or use as beautiful junk in a craft project with your kids.

I think Helen Hunt did it best in this genius clip from, Mad about You. Take :25 and let me know if you agree.

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